Beetwaste's World of Lettuce

Racist Tram Woman

2011-11-28T17:28:00.001Z

Racist Tram Woman. Overnight Twitter sensation.

Before you press ‘Play’ be aware that this video ain’t for the kids – the language is vile. And to be fair, so is this woman. Spouting off her racist bile. She’s been on Twitter all day. She’s truly nasty, and it’s a shame for her kid.

But let’s dig a bit deeper, shall we? I have a suspicion – can’t prove it, but I’ve seen it before – that she’s been ‘doing’ something. Drink, drugs, maybe both. Slurring words, shouting, no sense of surroundings, the signs are there. Not an excuse, but might explain some of it.

And you then ask the question, how did she get like this? You aren’t born a bigot. You don’t wake up one morning and think ‘Hey, wouldn’t it be fun to hurl racist abuse on a packed Croydon tram’. Nope, she’s clearly been brought up this way. Parents, friends, media. All contributed.

Listen to the rant. It’s about immigrants coming over. Polish people, people coming to ‘her’ country and taking the jobs.

Lets compare it to the right-wing press. England is the most overpopulated country in the EU, says the Mail. 'Brussels says let in more immigrants', screams the Express. '90% of Immigrants live in England' says the same paper. 'Poll highlights anger over immigrants' according to the Sun.

I’m not saying that the right-wing media are responsible for this nasty lady’s behaviour. But lets face it, we could carry on for weeks with headlines like this, and it reinforces the views of people just like Mrs racist-tram-lady.

Can I suggest, instead of threats and lynch mob rule, as some of Twitter seems to be calling for, it would be better to arrest this woman on the current laws that protect people against racist abuse, and then do something about the culture that leads to it. Things like, as an example, newspapers trying to scare the crap out of people with stories like those above?

***I read she has been arrested. Good. That’s how democracy and the rule of law works in this country.

Strike while the iron is hot

2011-11-28T13:17:00.001Z

Most of the public sector unions are on strike on Wednesday, it seems.

Their beef, apparently, is that they are losing out on their pension. As the husband of a public sector worker, I understand this concern, and I agree with it. I’ve always been a private sector worker, and our pensions were sacrificed and flushed down the toilet years ago, while we all sat back and accepted it. Ultimately, she will have to work longer, pay more, and get less pension at the end of it. One of those, the government might have got away with. All three is a bit much.

However, I can also report that Mrs B won’t be on strike on Wednesday. That’s because she’s not in a union. She left, for a variety of reasons.

* The price, £14 a month, which is extortionate – my union manages to charge all it’s full time members £8.80, incidentally.

* She recently had some concerns, and went to discuss these with a union rep. She couldn’t find one. The contact she had went to an answerphone, and when she rang it, a recorded message said ‘Please don’t ring this number for union matters’ – or words to that effect. Remember, £14 a month, and she couldn’t find a rep.

* The union insisted on sending out a load of Labour party literature with its magazine, praising this particular political party. She doesn’t rate any of the parties, but least of all Labour. She had also indicated she didn’t want to donate to the party via her subs.

* The final straw came with the union rallies earlier this year, with reports of a senior rep from one of the local branch offices heading to protest about austerity cuts. In First Class. With a nice meal. Clearly austerity measures aren’t affecting this particular union, remembering the subs of £14.

So she left this particular union. And as she’s not found a replacement, she still has no representation. Which is a bit sad, really. Seems to me that the traditional, Labour party, TUC affiliated unions aren’t too bothered about the minor but important things that affect their members, but have decided to crank up for a strike to prove to the Government that they won’t be pushed around. Seems to me that they need to sort out their priorities.

There seems to be a lot of propaganda put about, but there is no doubt that the Government have changed the terms they are offering, since the original strike ballots, and it also appears that the unions are refusing to discuss the new offers. That’s my impression, and that’s why I reckon they are just after causing a strike for striking sake, so they can all pat each other on the back afterwards for a job well done, while their members are all a day’s wages short, and the pension plans are still going to happen.

What these unions haven’t grasped, then, is that it’s not 1979 anymore, it’s 2011, and the world has moved on. Grown up people sit down and discuss their problems like adults, and I’d suggest these dinosaurs all do the same.

Customer Service is really easy

2011-07-11T15:31:00.001+01:00

Anyone who works in a customer service environment, this is for you.

It’s the Great Yorkshire Show this week. Because Harrogate Sainsbury’s is on the showground, it shuts for the week. So, whilst out and about today, myself and Mrs B took a trip to Morrison's.

Now, we were once regular Morrison's customers, but we switched allegiance because not only did they consistently run out of the stuff we wanted, but the quality was deteriorating. Especially the fresh stuff. So today was a fantastic opportunity for Morrison's supermarket. We were returning.

Now, it’s fair to say that Morrison's will not close down without our custom, but it’s also a good bet that we are not the only customers they will get this week, who normally use their main competitor in Harrogate. So, as a former supermarket manager I would have built this week up to a crescendo. The staff would be under no uncertain terms, that this is a fantastic opportunity to shout about Morrison's. To tell everyone how good they are. To make people like me question why I don’t go there every week.

Bearing all this in mind, then, allow me to transcript the encounter Mrs B had today, with a lady who was on the lottery kiosk.

Mrs B: “Hi, I’d like the lottery, please. Here is my completed ticket.”

Lady: “Four.”

Mrs B: “Four what?”

Now slightly sarcastic lady “Four pounds.”

Increasingly agitated Mrs B: “Four pounds please.”

And that’s it. The very first assistant we came across was a rude, miserable old grump. No manners. No attempt at any. It’s all over. Morrison's have lost an opportunity to obtain approximately £3,000 of custom over the next twelve months. And, I’ve just told you all how crap I think they are. Remember, I’ve worked in customer service roles for years, much of this in supermarkets. I’ve made errors, but I’m passionate about service. That’s why I get so angry when people just can’t be goosed with even the basic niceties.

So, the moral of this story is, the one time you screw up customer service – and I only mean basic stuff here, like ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ - is the one time it could be important. And yes, I’m sending a copy of this to the top dogs at Morrison's. You’ve got three days left to make your new customers want to come back. It’s up to you.

Enjoy the show!

BBC TV Centre

2011-06-13T14:49:00.001+01:00

Many people are getting sad and upset about the imminent sale of BBC TV Centre in London. But I’m not.

Well ok, I’m sad for the Blue Peter garden, and it’s interred animals. Asides from that, though, BBC TV Centre is a big ugly 1950’s building down south somewhere. I never saw it, other than when it was on TV. I always thought it looked a bit like a hospital, and that big ugly brick wall that faces the main entrance never evoked any feelings of awe. It’s hardly York Minster, is it?

Frankly, as a kid the place didn’t feature in my life, even if the programmes made there did. And, if I may draw a comparison, I enjoy a glass of milk without feeling any fondness for the Arla foods depot in Kirkstall Road, Leeds. If you see my point.

As a kid, I was more saddened when Radio Humberside shut their old studios above the post office in Jameson Street, Hull. That’s because it featured as a part of my childhood. I knew that the nondescript first floor building was the home of Tex Milne’s ‘Country by Request’ and it wouldn’t be the same when it went. And, I guess some people feel the same about TV centre.

But not me. It’s just a building, and in the digital era of 2011 it’s a big expensive white elephant that eats my licence fee, when it could be far better spent improving the CGI effects on Doctor Who. Thanks for the memories and that, but ta ta, now.

Beware Egyptians bearing gifts

2011-05-23T15:49:00.001+01:00

I don’t live in Hull anymore, but as I lived there for 34 years or so, what goes on there still interests me. Especially when it concerns sport in the city. I’ve always supported Hull FC rugby league team, and take a close interest in Hull City. So, when I see what appears to be happening regarding the KC Stadium, and the current owner of Hull City, I get concerned. Particularly for the future of my rugby league team.

A brief potted history of the KC Stadium, home of Hull City and Hull FC, may be in order here. It was built by the council using funds raised by the selling of council-owned shares in the local telephone company, and to this day is owned by Hull City Council. The stadium is managed on behalf of the council by the Stadium Management Company, or SMC, which has a 50 year lease on the ground.

Now this is not a perfect setup. It doesn’t make money. But it’s not meant to. It ensures that the City of Hull has an asset that is the property of the people who built it, and also, in my view, helps secure the clubs in it. Both clubs pay rent, and have no worries about the day to day running of the ground, such as stewarding, refreshment facilities, that sort of thing. The SMC look after that, so the clubs can look after the important things like players, fans, merchandise. Hull FC have posted profits for the last 6 years since moving to the ground. That tells me it’s a good setup.

The current issue concerns the owner of Hull City football club. Assem Allam is a self-made millionaire, who became rich by running a company to the west of Hull. When Hull City got into financial trouble following their relegation from the Premier league, he bought the club. All good so far. He has always maintained that this is due to wanting to help repay the city that helped him get rich. This may be true. I’m not convinced.

If indeed this were the case, I believe he would be quite happy to continue to rent the KC, and work with the council. Except he hasn’t. He wants to build a flash sports village, and to do this he wants to buy the stadium, with all its facilities and the fairground next door. If he can’t buy the stadium, he’ll shift the lot to Melton, near his business and several miles outside of Hull to the west. Melton is a rotten location for a football club, as no-one without a car will be able to go. It’ll also render the stadium in Hull something of a white elephant, tenanted only by the rugby league club and probably running at a loss to Hull City Council. Hull FC could not make the stadium pay on their own.

In short, then, it’s a threat. “I want the stadium, and if you don’t sell me it I’ll shaft you”. Not exactly the words of a benefactor. And, remarkably, he’s changed his view of rugby league as well. On 4th March, he gave an interview in which he offered to buy Hull FC but only if the clubs merged, because he didn’t want to show any bias towards Hull KR, the other Hull-based Rugby League club. Yet, shortly after the council’s Liberal Democrat-run council lost power to Labour, he appeared at Craven Park with several Hull councillors and the East Hull MP, having invested £1million into the East Hull club. He claims the investment is because he realised “he had done nothing for the people of East Hull”. Except that he has, because Hull City are representing the whole city. Incidentally, he’s done nothing specific for the people of West Hull yet, because he doesn’t own the stadium, a point he seems to forget.

I wonder what really changed his mind? Seems to me like he’s seen an opportunity to butter up the newly elected councillors, who I would suggest need extra money to spend having promised the people of Hull that they won’t make the huge budget cuts the Lib Dems were threatening to make. Truthfully, I don’t know, I’m just guessing. But I know that the Hull FC fans in particular are dead against this on the RLFans message board. As tenants of Hull City, as we would be, there’s no way our club will get the equal treatment we currently receive. For example, what happens if both teams have a game on the same day? Guess who’s moving their game. It won’t be Hull City.

So, I believe this is bad for Hull. This is because it will sell off a facility that was conceived as a community facility for our two professional clubs, and the community at large. I believe that the extra facilities Mr Allam proposes, will be inaccessible to most Hull people because as a private enterprise they will need to run at a profit. I don’t believe Mr Allam will wish to continue the partnerships with Hull College, for example, as it’s not in his interest to do so. I believe that my Rugby League club will be disadvantaged, and seriously worry that the investment in East Hull paves the way to a forced merger of our clubs, as Mr Allam has already stated is his preferred option. I believe that veiled threats to move Hull City away from the stadium prove his lack of interest in being a city benefactor, as if this were to happen I cannot believe that Hull City fans would be happy about this.

See, I remember David Lloyd, who promised this and that, and eventually ended up almost bankrupting both hull City and Hull FC, and in fact locked the Tigers out of their ground. I forsee this happening again, for short-term financial gain. I believe the stadium needs extending, but not at the expense of putting our sporting heritage at risk again.

In short, Mr Allam, thanks for saving City, but you’ve done your job. If you really care, you’ll provide loans to the council to build the village, extend the ground, but I don’t want you to own the ground. The fact you won’t commit to the extension unless you own the facility tells me you are a businessman first, and actually you are looking for cash profits before being a benefactor. That makes you a liar. I can’t, therefore, trust a word you say.

Give it a rest, Radio 1

2011-05-16T16:36:00.001+01:00

Have you ever bought a live music album?

I avoid them, in most cases. Yes, I know there are exceptional ones, like ‘The Who – Live at Leeds’, but in the main, live albums are rubbish. You get all your favourite songs, but sung slightly out of tune, and with a background noise of screaming idiots. Great when you are there watching, but rubbish on a CD.

As a result, I feel duty bound to advise Radio 1 that they really need to put a lid on their ‘Big Weekend’. The ‘Big Weekend’ being a free music festival, that replaced the old and creaky roadshows that used to turn up at a seaside resort near you. Places like the boating lake, Cleethorpes. The Big Weekend is, it must be said, a giant step up from Dave Lee Travis arriving in a big caravan on a random beach in Newquay, with Smiley Miley giving out goodie bags. It still feels the need, mind, to visit places like Swindon, Maidstone, Bangor (Wales), and this year, the music capital of the UK (or not) Carlisle.

I should emphasise this important fact, incidentally. The festival itself is actually very good. This year, the line up included the Foo Fighters and Lady Gaga. Ellie Goulding put on an excellent performance. The acts are top notch, and if you got a ticket you are very lucky.

My problem, then isn’t the festival. It’s the fact that for the entire month either side of it, Radio 1 have to go on about it. Constantly. Chris Moyles presents his show for a week from Carlisle. The Chart Show takes every opportunity to play a poor, out of tune live version of a song in the charts. Edith Bowman has to mention it in every second sentence. For crikey sake, after the event they go on about how bloody magnificent it was, and how everyone loved it, and how wonderful Radio 1 are for bringing us this incredible event. Here’s another live song from the big weekend, out of tune and inaudible for the screaming crowd but aren’t you lucky to be listening blah blah blah.

Well, I’m not lucky. I’m bored of it. I commend you, Radio 1, for bringing live music to the masses but there really is no need to be so self-bloody-righteous about it. In fact, you made me listen to Chris Evans and Nick Hancock on Stray FM last week. Stray FM! I officially became to old to listen to Radio 1. And, for this, I will never forgive you. Now, take your big weekend and deposit it in a dark pit until next year.

AV or not AV

2011-04-11T16:07:00.001+01:00

By crikey, it's been a while since I wrote a blog post. Hello again!

So, the AV referendum campaign properly kicks off about now, the No2AV people have a broadcast in which they are going to tell you that AV is rubbish, and we should stick to the old system of electing people. I, on the other hand, reckon they are wrong, and here's where I tell you why I think that.

So, in simple terms, what's wrong with the current system? You vote for a candidate, and the one with the most votes gets in. Right? Well yes, if there's only two candidates. If there are three, or more, then that's not always the case. Have a look at the results for Harrogate in the 2010 election, in terms of percentages;

Conservative 45.7%

Lib Dem 43.8%

Labour 6.4%

BNP 2.1%

UKIP 2.0%

Ok, so that tells me, if you do the maths, that 54.3% of the people who voted, didn't vote for the winner. The majority of people in Harrogate didn't vote for the person who is their MP. How's that fair, then? If you look at Hull North, it's even worse. 39.2% of the voters elected Diana Johnson. That means nearly two thirds of the people who voted didn't vote for the winner. In fact, around 21% of people voted right wing, that's Tory, BNP, UKIP.

I don't think it's fair that you can get elected with less than half the electorate voting for you, because in some cases, you only have to impress those people who would vote for you anyway. You can get away with ignoring two thirds of the electorate. The Alternative Vote system, in my opinion, goes some way to rectifying this.

At this point, by the way, it would be good to address one of the main arguments of the No2AV campaign, namely that the AV system is too complex. I find it insulting that I'm considered too thick to work out how AV works. It's this easy;

* you get a ballot paper

* instead of an X, you rank the candidates in order of preference. 1 for your favourite, 2 for the next, then 3, and so on.

That's all you really need to know. Actually, in my opinion, if you can't put people in order, then should you be voting? I believe that is really easy, and that everyone can understand it.

After that, it's down to the vote counters. They worry about the complexities of it. Except it's not complex. They count all the papers. If no-one gets 50% of the vote, they take the person who finished last, look at who they placed as their second choice, and divide them into the other piles. And they repeat this, taking into account the third/fourth choices if necessary, until someone gets a majority.

I think this is a better system, because whoever wins has agreement of the majority of people who voted for him/her, and therefore has a stronger mandate. I also believe it means that every candidate has a greater responsibility to address every constituent, not just the supporters of their own party. If you voted Tory in North Hull, then Johnson had no reason to make the effort to secure your vote, because you are a minority. If your second choice could mean she loses, I guarantee your views will take on a sudden new importance. Labour voters in Harrogate will be the difference between winning and losing.

I've heard other arguments against AV.

* It's too expensive. It'll cost vast amounts of money for flash counting systems.

- Well, actually, no it won't. It's no different in terms of logistics than the current system. All you need is pencil, paper, and a load of volunteers to do the counting. It might take a bit longer, but so be it.

* No-one else uses it.

- True, not many countries do. But the Labour party elects it's leader using AV. I remember using it to vote for the NUS president when I was at university. It's used in all walks of life. Why not in government? Saying we shouldn't do something because someone else doesn't isn't an argument. Maybe _they_ are all wrong?

* Most AV supporters actually want PR.

- There might be some truth in that as well. I would prefer Proportional Representation to AV, but either system is far superior to the current one, in my book. We don't have PR as a choice, so we'll vote for what's in front of us and worry about PR at a later date.

* Minority parties will decide who gets into power. In fact, it could allow the BNP in.

- The BNP don't want it, which tells me they don't think they'll do well. But so what if it did? It puts pressure on the main parties to address the issues that make people vote for these smaller parties, surely? Personally, if people are more likely to vote for a party because they want them to win, as opposed to now when people vote for who they think will beat the party they want to lose, , then that's a good thing.

* There'll be more coalition governments.

- We've had 4 coalition governments, compared to 2 in Australia over the same time frame. They have AV. We don't. Says it all. And what's wrong with coalition governments anyway? The alternative is majority government that steamrollers through unpopular policies unopposed, and I hate that.

So, that's my view. You might agree, or not. But it's a chance to change our voting system from the rubbish system we have now. Any improvement is good, surely? And AV is a definite improvement. You know what to do.

Christmas Number 1

2010-12-13T12:34:00.004Z

Yep, it's christmas. Which means, we have a 'race' for Christmas Number 1. So I thought I'd have a look at the contenders.

Now, last year, the bland, instantly forgettable Joe McElderry was pushed into 2nd spot by a concerted campaign led by Facebook users, to get 'Killing In The Name' by Rage against the Machine to the top spot. It worked. And, I reckon it worked because it appealed to a large audience. Rock fans went for it, and the lyrics seemed to make a point. 'F-You, I won't do what you tell me'. Well, apart from buy the Rage single.

So, I guess it was inevitable that this year a similar thing would happen, or at least be attempted. But, before we look at the competition, we should see what this years favourite is. It's by Matt Cardle, the winner of the X-Factor, a nice, likable and more-talented-than-last-year chap. He's singing 'When We Collide', a cover of a Biffy Clyro song. Except it's not called 'When We Collide'. Clearly Simon Cowell thought this was more marketable than the correct title 'Many of Horror'. The arrogance of the man to assume he can change the name because he doesn't like him is, I suggest, one of the main reasons people seem to have it in for the X-factor. However, it's a pleasant tune, if over-produced to the level of blandness, and it should shift half a million copies or so. Incidentally, the link above is for the live show version, which is better than the dull recording. Just.

As far as the main contenders are concerned, I'd suggest that way out in front is the campaign to get "Surfin' Bird"the 1963 hit by 'The Trashmen' to the top spot. It's got over 600,000 followers on Facebook, and got a good head start. It's playing it for fun, there's certainly no political message here. Fact is, some people want a fun novelty record at number 1 this christmas, and good luck to them.

Another contender would be the re-recording of 4'33" by John Cage. A bit pretentious perhaps, but the idea that Radio 1's chart show would have to play 4 and a half minutes of silence, in place of an X-factor tune, is quite amusing. Proceeds go to a variety of charities, but with only 80,000 facebook fans, I reckon they left it too late.

Since the X-factor final, it would appear that Biffy Clyro fans have got upset. The original 'Many of Horror' is doing very well in the chart, with a fair few people wanting it to do better than the X-factor cover. One thing that is certain, it's going to be a Merry Christmas for Biffy Clyro's accountants and bank manager, one way or the other.

If you fancy an outside bet, Corey Taylor, frontman of Slipknot (the bloody excellent American metal band) has relased a christmas song, with the profits going to the Teenage Cancer Trust. A bit of fruity language might well keep this one out of the headlines, but for a Christmas hater like myself, the lyrics to X-M @ $ sum up the mood perfectly. Give it a listen, better still buy it and make it a Happy Christmas for a good charity. Just don't play it in front of the kids.

So, who's going to win? I'd bet heavily on X-Factor. I suspect last year was a one off, and at this stage the other runners are being trounced by the X-Factor single, which went straight to Number 1 on iTunes on pre-orders. Astonishing, that people pre-ordered a single, without knowing who was singing it or what the song was, based on the TV show it was on. Whatever. I won't be buying it, and by January I'll have forgotten all about it.

Student fees

2010-12-09T15:04:00.003Z

I'm sat watching the tuition fees debate.

Whether you agree with increased tuition fees or not, there's some straightforward facts about the new proposals.

* The students pay nothing before they go to university
* The students pay nothing unless they are earning over £21,000 per year, compared to the current £15,000.
* Part time students will also be entitled to deferred fees, unlike at present
* On a salary of £21k, the annual repayments will be around £270/year
* After 30 years, the fees will be written off if not repaid
* If you lose your job, or leave work, you pay back nothing.

I think that's a good deal. In many ways, better than at present.

What irritates me, is the number of people complaining and protesting without knowing any of these facts, egged on by a Labour party who implemented the Browne report that effectively recommended these proposals, and have no fixed, sensible alternative proposals. I support anyone's right to protest, but you should do this based on a sound knowledge of the facts and not on something you heard in the pub. Furthermore, the argument that lower class people are going to be put off higher education because of the fees is surely not true - the proposals above mean that anyone can still go to university from a poor background, because the fee payments will only apply afterwards, if they earn a better wage - in theory - than they would earn without going to university.

As a Liberal, clearly it bothers me that we are, rightly, taking a battering for changing our minds. But the alternative is the break up of the coalition, another election, and either a Labour government who will continue as they left off and plunge our country further into debt, or a pure Tory government who will make deeper cuts, unchecked by a Liberal influence.

It would, of course, be very helpful if the press and media would concentrate on reporting the facts, and not on concentrating on reporting how angry everyone is. Right now, there is an excellent debate taking place in the house of commons, yet the main news channels are showing the protests and clashes with the police.

When our country is back on it's feet, I wish to see an increase in investment in higher education. Right now, I reckon this is a decent proposal, that's been amended for the better.

Tyred out

2010-09-30T17:52:00.002+01:00

A blog entry for anyone with a car.

I mentioned it before, but we've got a Toyota Yaris. Nice car, I'd recommend one to anyone looking for a small car. However, it's not been a happy bunny for some time now.

Put simply, the handling has been atrocious, in fact at times I'd call it dangerous. Bouncy, no grip - especially in the wet - and noisy. We took it to a garage a while ago, and they checked everything. "Nothing wrong", they said. "But it might be your tyres."

Now, the tyres were quite new, so we left it because everything was checked and so we were happy nothing was going to break and kill us. Until, on the way to work one morning, the car lurched and almost put Mrs B in a ditch. Back to the garage. "Nothing wrong, other than we've adjusted the tracking. We reckon your tyres aren't up to it."

This was the second time the tyres had been mentioned. The garage's reasoning was that the tyres on our car were for winter use, and were ideal for certain types of road. The driving we were doing was not what our tyres were suited for, and this was causing the problems. However, as the tyres were still quite new, the handling was slightly improved, and replacing all four at one go wasn't something I was keen on doing on cost grounds, we left it.

And so to today. A couple of weeks ago, the car started displaying symptoms I've had on a previous car that related to a damaged wheel bearing. The car handling was affected, the car was noisy, and the car was performing badly at higher speed. So in it went. Guess what? "Nothing wrong with it. We reckon it's the tyres."

Now, you'll notice that the garage has never offered to replace the tyres, which I find odd. Maybe they don't want my money. But, after the third suggestion, we bit the bullet and went to the tyre supplier who fitted the tyres in the first place.

The tyres on the car were a budget brand, so I didn't expect razor-sharp handling. I've used budget tyres before. These were a brand called 'Admiral'. Anyway, I explained this to the tyre company guy, and he looked a bit puzzled but suggested a better brand. Which they duly fitted. One painful credit-card experience later, we left with 4 new tyres.

Guess what? It's like a new car. Who would have thought that cheap, poor quality tyres would make such a difference to the car? It handles better, accelerates better, is quieter, and doesn't cry at 70mph on the motorway anymore.

So, to our moral of the day. Don't put cheap, budget brand tyres on your car. It'll cost you more in the long run, because your car will be undriveable, and may well try to kill you.

Tom Briscoe is still better than Peter Fox

2010-09-13T12:13:00.003+01:00

Now, I'm doing OK at the moment, in general. I have a job, a roof over my head, food, water, and all the things that people in some countries struggle for. So, I consider myself a lucky bloke. In the scheme of things, then, losing a rugby match isn't a really big deal. However, I've been properly fed-up since Saturday night. All because my team, Hull FC, lost to cross-city arch rivals Hull KR.

I'm trying to keep it in perspective. But when a big part of your life is spent following a team, it becomes a big deal, and losing has a really negative affect on your mood. Especially when it's a big game. And this one was, a play-off game with the loser going out. Not only, therefore, are we out of the playoffs, but we were knocked out by a better organised, harder working, more disciplined team. This hurts. When that team is Hull KR, it rubs salt in the wound.

So I've been a grumpy-arse all weekend. I'll get over it, I'm sure, but I don't have to be happy about it. It's a stupid game anyway...!

It's not Cricket

2010-08-16T16:46:00.003+01:00

I'm not a fan of cricket, and never have been, but yesterday marked the highlight (in my opinion) of the upper Nidderdale social calendar. The Dave Challis 6-a-side trophy. In short, it's a cricket competition that involves, predictably, teams of 6. This year, a team from the Pateley Bridge butchers entered. The Sportsman's Arms always turn up in fancy dress. The team from Studfold Farm caravan site always take things too seriously, in a light-hearted way - if that's possible.

It always seems to attract a half-decent crowd as well. I suspect this is less to do with the cricket, and more to do with the £1.50/can beer tent and the outstandingly tasty barbecue. The buns on offer in the pavilion are of a superior standard as well.

The beer, I have to say, is definitely the main attraction for me. However, it's a pretty relaxed day. You can spend the 7-8 hours wandering around chatting to the other locals who frankly, you never really see during the remainder of the year due to the remoteness of the area. Or you can sit back and enjoy the beer, as we did. Either way, no-one really minds because it raises a fair few quid for the club and, I believe, the local school. Hence, the belated realisation I was diddled out of a fiver change at the burger tent shall remain unchallenged, because the cash isn't lining some corporate pocket.

On top of all this, I won a set of spotted pastel-shade coasters on the tombola, which to be fair is a half decent and useful item. Previous tombolas at local events have yielded such items as a bottle of Blue Nun 'wine', a red Ikea glass vase ornament thingy, and best of all, a two-handled child's training cup. Which is still in the cupboard, waiting for me to donate it to another tombola (if any local people reading would like it, I'll happily drop it at your house!)

Last years event managed to pay for the renovation of the pavilion toilets, very nice they were too. Hot water and soap provided! Best thing is, the sun made an increasingly rare appearance, and on a sunny day, surrounded by fields of sheep and cows, it's an incredible venue for cricket.

Incidentally, I have no idea who won. If anyone at all!

With just a fewwwwwwwww clicks, you'll ... not save anything at all, actually

2010-07-26T16:25:00.004+01:00

image: Daily Mail

I'm a bit deflated.

I just got my new home insurance quote, from the company I work for. Now, it's not gone up, but neither has it decreased. But I know how these things work, because I used to work for the retentions (cancellations) department of the same company. So, I'll let you into the Beetwaste method of getting cheaper insurance.

Firstly, go onto 'Confused.com' or some similar website - I'd deliberately avoid the annoying, singing Italian-style idiot, because it winds me up. You get a list of prices, make sure the new quotes are covering you for the same things (essential - how much are you covered for? Specified items? Excess? If it's not the same, be aware of the differences) and it is imperative that you look shocked at how much money you could save (as they do in the adverts).

Now, here's the clever bit. You don't set up the new, cheaper policy. Oooh no. You ring your current insurer, tell them how much cheaper everyone else is, and can they do anything about it. A word of advice, by the way. If you are nice to the telephonist, it will pay dividends. Believe me, I was always more inclined to help the caller who asked politely, than the idiot who rang up claiming that I, personally, was responsible for ripping them off for the previous 10/15/20 years (delete as applicable) and even though we'd written to them every year advising them to call if they were unhappy with the price, it's all my fault that they couldn't be arsed to do so.

Here's an example of what to say;

"Hi, I've been looking around on 'Go-compare-the-confused-money-super-meerkat.com.uk' and discovered there are several companies offering me cheaper quotes. Can I review my cover with you to see if you can match/beat these other prices?"

This is why you need to be clued-up on what you are covered for, because the telephonist will now explain why their price is actually better value, despite being more expensive. However, they may well suggest ways to make it cheaper, such as removing unnecessary elements of your cover that the very-same-company's sales team persuaded you was essential only a year earlier. At this point, incidentally, if you've asked three times and they say they can't reduce the price, they mean it. Not everyone is entitled to a discount, and if there's one available you'll get it.

If all goes well, your current company will reduce your price and everything will be hunky-dorey. If not, well you've still got the other prices to fall back on - make sure before you cancel anything that the comparison site you picked gives an accurate price. Not all of them do, you'll have to ring them up for that.

So anyway, it's time for me to do the same. I got some prices, ready to ring up and discuss. Wound myself up to do it and everything.

Guess what?

My new quote was already 20 quid cheaper than the cheapest price online. So I couldn't ring up and barter.

Bummer.

football is rubbish

2010-06-28T09:51:00.002+01:00

Interesting world cup. I've deliberately tried not to talk about it, but now we're out I might as well. England were rubbish. Utterly. We played 4 games, won one, and played badly in 3 of them. In fact, the Algeria and Germany games rank as amongst the worst ever England performances. Hence the picture of the Women's England team, who are actually good and I suspect would run rings around the shower we just watched for two weeks.

Everyone will have their opinions about why we were bad. Some people say we play too many games, but Tevez plays in England and got two (well, one and a bit) goals against Mexico. So I don't buy that at all. There are some really obvious points though. First, Wayne Rooney, probably the best footballer in England at the present time, was invisible for all four games. His only notable contribution to the World Cup was slagging off the fans for booing them.

In addition, the defence was all over the place. It's a bit difficult to work out why. Losing Rio Ferdinand was a major blow to the team, and his replacement in Ledley King got injured after the first five minutes of the first game. In addition, Dawson was sat on the bench, having given up his holiday at short notice, and is probably wondering why he bothered. And as for John Terry. Quite what got into him during the Germany game, who knows. He was out of position for every one of the England goals, which is baffling for a player of such talent and experience.

Which I suspect solves the problem of why we were so rubbish.We had a team of individuals who just weren't able to play as a team, for whatever reason. I suspect that's down to the manager, because it's his tactics, his team, his player choice, and it looks like he got it badly wrong. He appeared unable to change the team formation, when it became obvious that 4-4-2 wasn't working. His substitutions invariable replaced like players with like. Defoe off, Heskey on. Lennon off, Wright-Phillips on. Taking into account also, that midway through our limited time in South Africa, the manager and players were clearly at odds, this would seem to confirm that the blame is with Capello.

Anyway, it makes no odds. We were rubbish, and all four games were dull, dull, dull. But the last two weeks weren't excitement free zones, you know. I watched Wigan-St Helens, and after the England-Germany match, watched Warrington-Leeds. Both Rugby League matches, both outstanding games of their sport. Both with video referees, so the ref can't make idiot mistakes like disallowing Lampards goal, or not spotting that Tevez is 3 miles offside.

Each to their own, I guess. I was brought up watching Rugby League, so I suspect I'm a little biased. But honestly, the last two weeks have just reminded me why I continue to watch it, why I continue to advocate it, why I will always maintain that despite it's failings as a world sport, Rugby League is a country mile ahead of the round ball game. Give it a go. Support who you like, preferably your local side. Although, as a Hull FC fan I must warn you off supporting Hull KR...

Find out about it here...http://www.therfl.co.uk/

Why reinvent the wheel

2010-06-07T10:29:00.002+01:00

Having read the absurd, deranged, but oh-so-predictable ramblings of Peter Hitchens in yesterday's Mail, I almost made it the subject of a blog entry today.

But then I read this;

http://enemiesofreason.co.uk/2010/06/06/peter-hitchens-depresses-me-but-i-wont-kill-him/

...and I figured, why bother. It says everything I was going to say anyway, and probably does a better job of it. Read and enjoy. And save your money, by not buying the Mail!

new pc

2010-05-24T09:51:00.001+01:00

I got a new laptop last week. An exciting moment, for someone who loves gadgets, but after a week of using it, is it any good?

I have to confess, as far as PC’s are concerned I’m not their number one fan. That all goes back to the old days of computers. When my Spectrum got old and pointless, it was replaced with a CBM Amiga A500, which at the time was about a million years ahead of the PC in terms of usability and hardware specification. Amiga’s had a palette of over 4000 colours, had stereo sound (sort of), and a multi-tasking operating system. By the Amiga 1200, this had improved significantly, and was streets ahead of Windows 3.1.

Ah, Windows 3.1. What a badly written, unusable, pointless pile of old trollop that was. Microsoft daren’t make it any good because Apple kept taking them to court over any remote similarity to their Mac operating system. I was forced to use it at university, when actually it was easier to ignore it altogether and use the command line interface of MS-DOS.

Of course, things improved. Windows 95 was OK, if unreliable, as was 98. Windows ME was more reliable, but a bit dull. Then came Windows XP, which was big, clunky, but reliable and usable. By then, my Amiga was using up garage space, and Windows had taken over in my life, begrudgingly. In fact, a couple of years ago I discovered Linux, and have been using this in preference.

However, time moves on. In our house, there are 3 PC’s. One is an elderly desktop that runs Ubuntu Linux. One is an even older laptop, that is held together with string and runs Xubuntu Linux – just. The third runs XP, and Kubuntu Linux. They are all old, slow and barely keeping up, so it was obvious that they had to go and be replaced. Therefore, last Monday, off to PC world I went, spent an hour looking at PC’s, and came home with a spanky-new Dell laptop. With Windows 7.

Now, Windows 7 is something that’s passed me by a little bit. All I really know about it, is that the TV adverts are stupidly irritating (“I’m a PC, and I’m out of time”, “I’m a PC, and my work here is done”, “I’m a PC, and I need a swift punch in the face”). I’ve not seen it, not used it, not bothered with it. But, here’s the thing. It’s excellent.

Ok, it’s still a Microsoft operating system, so it insists on updating itself at the most inopportune moments, as well as constantly popping up warnings every time you want to do something. It’s the Labour party of the computing world, it wants to manage your entire life. It knows best. But asides from that, it’s so much better. It boots up far more quickly than XP, although it’s still quite new so we’ll see how long that lasts. It looks excellent, nothing like Windows in fact. It’s far easier to pick up than it ever was. I’m a big fan of the dock at the top of the screen, all the main programs I use are stored there as opposed to in a menu somewhere. Mind you, that’s a straight Mac rip-off, and I’m amazed they’ve been allowed to keep it in!

In short, it’s actually usable. So, I’ve put off installing Linux for now. I’ve even kept with Internet Explorer for now, because it’s actually quite good. The Windows Live Writer is included, and I’m using it to write the blog today. Yes, it really does come with rather nifty blog writing software. Whether it’s any good, well we’ll see when I hit ‘Publish’!

So, finally, let me recommend two pieces of software you’ll need to finish the Windows 7 experience. Firstly, there’s no Outlook Express for your e-mails, so you’ll be needing Mozilla Thunderbird. Easy to use, works the same, totally free. Secondly, you will want a music player. ITunes works, Windows Media Player is included and is ok, but you really, really need to look up ‘Spotify’. It’ll play your old back catalogue of MP3 files on your hard disk, but it basically lets you – legally – stream music from online, and the range of bands and artists signed up to it is huge. The free version has adverts, if you don’t want that it’s a fiver a month, and to use it on your mobile it’s a tenner a month. Have a look, while I go and enjoy the glorious weather!

http://www.mozillamessaging.com/en-GB/thunderbird/

http://www.spotify.com/uk/new-user/

Interesting times

2010-05-10T11:15:00.003+01:00

image: Daily Mail

It's been a bizarre week or two. Probably the most interesting election campaign I can remember, right up to the exit polls coming out at 10pm on 6th May. Utter disbelief, that after all the polls in the previous weeks, it looked like - and indeed, was correct - that we would end up with less seats than before. Even though we increased our share of the vote.

So, we are into hung-parliament territory. I believe this is a huge moment for British politics, and after all the scandal of recent times, it has presented a great opportunity for the MP's to grow up and act like adults, for a change. However, I have to say that I didn't see Liberal-Tory discussions coming.

I'm a Liberal Democrat party member, and have been for years, so I know full well that most Liberals would naturally want an alliance with Labour, they are very uneasy about teaming up with the Tories. But I've been thinking about this for a day or two, and I reckon this might suit me very well.

Whilst I remain a Lib-Dem member and supporter, I'm probably slightly right of centre, whilst the party are left of centre. This has often presented me with the odd dilemma. For example, I'm not a particular fan of European matters, whilst the Lib-Dems are staunchly pro-Europe. I've got a harder opinion of matters such as capital punishment; I'd have few complaints about bringing it back, whilst most Liberals would be horrified about this.

I do, however, stick with the Lib-Dems, because from experience, they have always been far more tolerant of differing opinions than the other parties, probably because everything is debated properly. So, if a policy makes the manifesto, I know that the party members at the conference had a democratic debate on it. I like that. I've also long held the view that although I'm not pro-European, I'd rather be represented by a party that wants to be there, than a party that exists to make it difficult.

Therefore, if the Lib-Dems make a coalition with the Tories, it may, strangely, more reflect my brand of politics. With one huge, enormous, universe-sized caveat. And that's parliamentary reform. The Tories are opposed to it, but I'm afraid any deal must at the very least, promise a referendum on this subject, primarily involving a change to our discredited, unfair voting system. This is why I came to the Lib-Dems in the first place. It's just not acceptable that a party that obtains a quarter of the vote, only gets 57 seats out of 649. Asides from the Lib-Dems, other parties have reason to want a change. UKIP got 4 times the number of votes - nearly 1,000,000 - than the Green party. Even the hateful BNP got more votes than the Greens. Seats in the commons: UKIP = 0, BNP = 0, Greens = 1. Crazy.

Check out some other results. Harrogate and Knaresborough, the Lib-Dem candidate came second with 44% of the vote, whereas in Hull North, Diana Johnson won with 39% of the vote. 13,000 Labour votes = win, 23,000 Liberal votes = lose. That's not fair. Not in my book. And that's not counting the 4,000 Tory votes in Hull North, that count for nothing at all.

That's why I want a voting system that means every vote counts, that's why I want Nick Clegg to insist on making this a part of a deal with whichever party, and that's why I'll continue to support the Lib-Dems.

And I promise to lay off the politics in the next blog entry!

There's an election on, you know

2010-04-19T15:28:00.002+01:00

I've just been leaflet-dropping for the Lib-Dems, in a very rural area that takes a lot of walking. I suspect most of the people around here are Tory, but what the heck. At least they know we exist.

I've been a Lib-Dem supporter for years. A fully paid-up, card carrying but not very active member. Therefore, you'd expect me to be wanting you to vote for them. Well that's true, but at the end of the day I'd like you to make up your own mind. Maybe it's the Liberal in me, but ultimately I'll give you the info about us, and hopefully you'll agree.

If you don't, then fine. But last Thursday, people got to make their own mind up, for the first time in years. Normally, you see, people vote the way the newspapers and press tell them to, in my opinion. Most of the press are right-wing, a couple of papers are socialist leaning, but none of them are particularly Liberal. So the third party generally gets a hard time in the press.

But, for an hour and a half last Thursday, something changed. Three party leaders turned up on TV, and Nick Clegg from the Lib-Dems had a good night, as reflected by the opinion polls the next day. Three party leaders were talking about policy without any bias from an outside source, and people made their own minds up.

I suspect the papers won't like this, and will now be taking the liberals seriously. May I present, for example, the Mail on Sunday. Headline; "Clegg Nicks the Top Spot", a pretty positive headline. But let's turn to page 9. We get the following headlines;

"Most would vote Orange... but they will get Brown"

"His wife is Spanish, his mother Dutch, his father half-Russian and his spin-doctor German. Is there ANYTHING British about Lib Dem Leader?"

"Clegg's 'secret' lobbyist past"

"Billionaire convicted of fraud in France laid on banquet in honour of Liberal Democrat leader"

In other words, you can't trust the Lib-Dem leader, he associates with crooks, had a dodgy (perhaps, maybe, possibly) job in the past and by the way, he's not even British. Vote for him, and Brown gets in again. Are you scared yet?

The leader column, though, is almost deserving of a complaint to the PCC. Headline; "the charming Mr Clegg leads a loopy army" and goes on to point out that "Behind him in the shadows stand dense ranks of beards and sandals, with beliefs so loopily Left-wing that New Labour long ago abandoned or rejected them".

Well, I believe I'm quite intelligent, have no beard or sandals, and anyway if I did, so what? Disgraceful journalism. Insulting, xenophobic and scare-mongering garbage. And no specific mention of any policies.

Well, maybe I'm old fashioned, but I reckon people are intelligent enough to make their own decision based on facts. And that happened after the last debate. Even if we'd have done badly, people finally got to make a decision on their own. And this election is all the better for it, so the press had better get used to it!

Ilkley. With a hat.

2010-04-14T08:16:00.006+01:00

I've started working in Ilkley. On Monday morning, I set out on my moped, 30 mph maximum over the top of the hills, via Bolton Abbey, and arrived in a state of near hypothermia. If anyone can advise of ways to keep warm on a moped/motorcycle, I'm all ears.

So, the trip across has some incredible views of the Yorkshire Dales, but ends in Ilkley. Which to be fair, is a place I've never visited in my life, and know nothing about. Except for 2 facts.

1) it's next to a famous moor, as in the song 'Ilkla'Moor Baht Hat', which is, apparently, the unofficial Yorkshire anthem. The people who say this, I suspect, believe Yorkshire finishes at Leeds, because in Hull it's not an anthem of any sort.

2) Alan Titchmarsh was born there.

I've researched Wrongipedia, and learnt that it's built on the site of an old Roman fort (Olicana) and hence, people from Ilkley are known as Olicanians. It was mentioned in the Domesday book. It also used to have railway connections to Otley and Skipton via Addingham.

But truthfully, that's irrelevant, because I'm far more interested in the current state of the town. As someone who deals with the general public in a financial capacity, I'm more bothered as to whether they'll greet me with a smile or a punch in the face. And I'm pleased to report, as indicated by the presence of a Betty's tearoom, that the place is actually very nice. It's one of the tidiest, well-kept places I've ever been to, and it's clear that people actually seem to care about their town centre.

It's also full of old, rich people. The two things may not be unrelated. Old, rich people are good, because they are unlikely to shoot me. However, they are very demanding, don't like change, hate advice, which they see as being told what to do, and require all information in hard copy at least 3 times before committing to anything. But it's a challenge, and it should be interesting working there. Assuming I don't freeze to death on a moped getting there, of course.

So if you are in the local area, I recommend hanging around for an hour or so. But, stay away from Betty's unless you are incredibly wealthy, and don't sing about being on a moor in a state of hatlessness, because I have discovered that they don't find it so amusing.

Electric car? I'd rather walk

2010-03-18T08:38:00.003Z

Nissan have announce that they are producing the new Leaf electric car at their plant in Sunderland. Excellent news for the economy, and good news for Sunderland. The Leaf is a fully electric, battery powered vehicle that is the world's first mass-produced electric car.

But it's rubbish. And, I will explain why I think this, bearing in mind I've never driven one.

Because, with petrol at £1.16/litre, it would seem to be a good idea. Oil costs a lot to refine, is controlled by a few countries (some of which, lets face it, have dubious political systems), and pollutes everything. I'm sceptical about global warming/climate change being caused by cars, but as a country-dweller I notice my chest getting tighter when I get to work, due in no small part to the fumes in the atmosphere. On top of this, the internal combustion engine is full of mechanical bits that can, and do, go wrong. Electric cars have less moving bits to break, don't produce any pollution (asides from what is used to generate the electricity in the first place), and are quieter than normal cars.

But, the battery-powered car, as it stands, is not the solution. Here's why. The American website for this vehicle provides the facts that will kill this car dead for most people. The site actually lists these as the top three questions - remember it's an American site, but the car is the same.

Q. How much will the Leaf cost:

A. At this point we're unable to give an exact price, but we're targeting in the range of other family sedans.

Q. How far can you drive on a single charge?

A. 100 miles per charge under average, everyday driving conditions.

Q. How long does it take to charge the battery?

A. 4-8 hours on a 220v home charging unit. At quick-charge stations, it will charge to 80% in about 26 minutes.

So there you have it. It'll cost the same as a standard car, but can only do 100 miles and takes 8 hours to charge, unless you are incredibly lucky and find the only garage in the world with a fast-charger, in which case you can do another 80 miles after nearly half an hour charging. And remember, that assumes it's not nighttime - your lights will use the battery quicker. It assumes you aren't sat in a traffic jam. It assumes the roads are flat - uphills will use the battery quicker. It assumes the batteries are new and can hold a full charge, old batteries lose efficiency.

My car has a one litre engine, costs about £35 to fill up, does 350 miles between fill-ups, and if I run out of fuel I can top it back up in about 5 minutes average. So why would I want a car that isn't as good? Answer, I wouldn't.

Sadly, though, people will buy this pile of dung, because they believe that if they don't, the planet will die by next Tuesday. The Government loves it, because they can be seen to be green, without risking fuel-tax income - let's face it, no sane person will buy one, and we'll all be filling up at the current extortionate prices for years to come. In fact, the Government can now increase fuel tax further, because they can use this new car as an excuse; "well you've got a choice now, haven't you." Well no I haven't, because 100 miles a day is on the edge of what I do on a daily basis, and I guarantee that the miles I put in, I will run out of battery power sooner rather than later. The RAC/AA will grow to hate these vehicles, I'm sure.

Annoyingly, there is a sensible alternative. The hydrogen fuel cell. Simply, these are still electric vehicles, but instead of batteries to store power, you fill the car up with hydrogen and pass it through a catalyst, which produces electricity. They still need development, but are far superior than battery cars in every way. Firstly, they have a greater range than batteries, and secondly, they can be refuelled in exactly the same way as your current car. And that's the key. They have the advantages of electric cars, but work in exactly the same way as your current vehicle; you fill it up when it runs out. The only pollutant is water. And you can produce hydrogen from water, using electricity, so there's no excuse for not using renewable sources to do this.

Instead of spending vast money on subsidies for battery car plants, doesn't it make sense to develop this technology? It works, it's nearly ready, but with a big push, fuel cells would revolutionise personal transport within ten years, I'm sure of it. And we could all forget these ridiculous, overpriced, impractical milk floats that companies like Nissan keep trying to push onto us.

MOT. Again.

2010-03-11T16:31:00.003Z

I don't want to brag, but the car just sailed through it's MOT again. As it did last year.

That means it's been a year since I started this blog. The MOT entry was one of my first. So, a retrospective. In the last 12 months since I started this blog;

* I'm more skint than ever, money is ridiculously tight.
* I've changed job role, hopefully permanently!
* I've gone up to a 34 waist, and dropped back down to 32 again.
* The winter has been a bleak, never-ending nightmare of time off work, car parked half a mile away, and lots of dragging food up the hill on a sledge. (hence the drop in waist size again!)
* Interest rates have remained exactly the same
* I've used 4 ink cartridges on my HP printer
* I've done 872 miles on the moped, and it still works.

Lots of other stuff happened as well, but I'll be here listing them all day and you already know, because you read it on the blog, or in the news, or saw it on telly.

How has the blog gone? I'm not really sure why I started it now, but I guess I've never kept a diary, and this is a similar sort of thing. I'd read other blogs, enjoyed them, and it made me want to do the same. If anything, I've found the hardest thing is to put aside time to do the blog on a regular basis. On many other occasions I've simply struggled to find a subject. In addition, it's difficult not to appear like I'm just copying other people in terms of style and content.

So if you've been following my ramblings, commented on them, recommended them to others, thanks. I'll probably review what's happened, maybe come up with more of a theme, or just carry on as before. Either way, I promise I'll try and get better at it by this time next year!

Work sucks.

2010-03-06T21:50:00.004Z

My career hit something of a turning point this week. I recently got transferred to the same town where my wife works, and a new job away from the nightmare that is a call centre I have endured for the last two years. I've done the training (irrelevant, but necessary), started the job, and it's been going OK. Logistically it's great, as we can share a car, no waiting around, no parking issues.

However.

It's reached a stage where I've hit a brick wall, and it has been 'suggested' that I move to a smaller branch that has more time to provide the training I need, and have been asking for. This poses a problem in terms of travelling, defeats the object of moving roles in the first place, but makes sense from a career point of view.

I'm a bit disappointed with this. It appears I can't hack it in a higher-profile role, and have been asked to step back even further - I've taken many steps back in my career path over the past few years, and I'm reluctant to do it again. This is a massive kick in the teeth for my already-lacking confidence. It's also upset Mrs Beetwaste, who thinks I'm putting career first. Indeed, she's been in a sulk all weekend about it, and I can't blame her.

I'm feeling pretty rubbish about work at the minute, even though I've been enjoying the new job. And I'm sure the change will be hugely beneficial. At 37, it's my last chance to have a decent crack of a proper job that will see me through to retirement and will provide progression, because the alternative will be a bottom-ranking job. That's not how I viewed my life when I was 16, and I don't want to compromise again. This move has to work. Trouble is, I don't want to put Mrs B second, which she's clearly feeling like she is.

It doesn't appear I've a huge choice anyway; although it's been presented as though I have one, I suspect it's more a requirement than a suggestion. So we'll see what happens, I guess.

More south-atlantic sabre-rattling

2010-02-25T10:39:00.003Z

There's been a lot of chatter about the Falkland islands in the news again. The Argentinians have decided to start making a fuss over their claims to the British-owned islands, and are trying to get the UN involved. It's even led to Hugo Chavez, President of Venezuela, going on a rant about the Queen, which was amusing.

I guess anyone over the age of 35 will know a bit about the Falklands. Or maybe not. I suspect that most people's knowledge of this remote outpost of Britishness is the 1982 conflict, after the military junta in charge of Argentina at the time decided to try and deflect attention from how badly the country was doing, by invading the Falklands. Sadly, he came up against a British prime minister who was doing badly in the polls and saw a great opportunity to attract some support by sending troops to reclaim the little-known islands.

And it went well, from a UK point of view. Mrs Thatcher won the next election, Argentina got a democratic Government, and the Falklands stayed British, albeit at the cost of 910 British and Argentinian troops. Personally, I reckon it was the right decision, but I still question the motives for doing it.

Because truthfully, there's nothing there. Most of the island is grazed by sheep. The major economy is based around fishing, according to Wrongipedia, and 255 British soldiers seems a high price to pay for protecting wool exports. It's a bit like Norway invading the Shetlands. Would we be so keen to take them back?

And 28 years on, it looks like we've discovered the real reason for the '82 conflict. The excuse Argentina are using to justify kicking up a fuss is regarding test drilling for oil, and indeed, it appears other minerals of value may be buried beneath the peat-bogs and mountains of these remote islands. Clearly, the reason everyone is so keen to claim the islands, is it's potential untapped mineral wealth. When oil is involved, anything is worthwhile, it would seem.

Like I said, though, I reckon we did the right thing in 1982, whatever the dubious motives, for two reasons. Firstly, the Argentine government of 1982 needed a reminder that the way we do business in the world is by democratic means. (Maybe Blair/Bush should take note, but that's a whole different article, I suspect!) More importantly, though, the Islanders themselves have always made it clear where their allegiances are. And that's to the Queen. In which case, we owe them our support, for as long as they want it.

Cheaper than a sarnie

2010-02-11T12:31:00.002Z

Blimey, it's been ages since my last post on here. I usually work Saturday with a day off mid-week, but I've recently changed job and the training has been Monday to Friday, so I've not had a day to myself to update the blog - Mrs. Beetwaste gets grouchy when I'm on the computer and she's at home. Fair enough, I say.

The other thing about the new job, is it's lack-of canteen. So I have to get my own food, and frankly sandwiches are boring me. As a result, I re-aquainted myself with an old friend. The Pot Noodle.

It's been a while since I had one, but after 4 minutes (with a mid-way stir) I was tucking into a delicious chicken and mushroom flavoured treat. The smell, the taste, the texture, all truly awful, but like a Big Mac, you can't help but love it. Even though you know it's doing you no good whatsoever.

Because it is utter crap. 506 calories. 2.33g of salt, that's 39% of my recommended daily amount. And if anyone can tell me what exactly "Disodium 5'-Ribonucleotides" are, then I congratulate you on your chemistry degree. On the plus side, though, I can report genuine peas, and indeed noodles, in there. On top of this, it's been available to buy in the UK since 1979. Pot noodle's are 31 years old. They've been providing workers, lazy people and single folk in bedsits with filling but nutritionally-lacking snacks for all this time. So they can't all be bad.

In fact, it's so awful, I bought another one. Beef and tomato flavour, this time. Takes no time to prepare, tasted rotten, but I can't get enough of it. Like it says on the pot, it's cheaper than a sarnie. It's far more interesting. And, easier to prepare. On top of that, the king-size pots are on offer in Morrisons for £1.50, so I might have to stock up.

Pope on a rope

2009-12-25T12:54:00.004Z

Merry Christmas, all.

I see today, that on one of the major events of the Christian calendar, that the Catholic church has pulled off the marketing achievement of the year. A woman jumps off a fence, misses the Pope, the Pope only hits the deck because a bodyguard jumps on him, and they've got the news headlines on Christmas day to the detriment of every other religion, particularly Anglicans.

I wonder if they've employed Simon Cowell?

Offended? Really?

2009-12-14T17:23:00.004Z

Another story from the BBC website. This time, someone has been offended by a card in Tesco. What was so bad about it? I quote; "...a lot of my friends and other people I know, we are absolutely disgusted", so you can see it must have been incredibly offensive. In fact, Tesco's are removing the greetings card from the shelves.

Was it Racist? No.

Was it sexist? No.

Again, a quote; "The card shows a child with ginger hair sitting on the lap of Santa Claus, and the words: 'Santa loves all kids. Even ginger ones.' "

Now, I tread carefully. My wife has red hair. Red hair is fine. I personally wouldn't wind anyone up about it, and I know for a fact she gets irritated by people calling her ginger. Not offended, just irritated. It's not funny.

That's how I look at this card. Not funny. But offensive? Seriously? I saw a card with a fat Father Christmas stuck in the chimney, well surely that's offensive to fat people?

Again, quoting the touchy lady who complained. "If the card had been about an overweight child then the shop would have been shut down, and so would the people who made the card."

No it wouldn't. Unless the subject matter was illegal. So, my suggestion would be to get over it, and find something important to worry about. Like Afghanistan. Or cancer. Or poverty, homelessness, drug addiction, child abuse, men who beat up their wives (and vice-versa), crime in deprived areas, or one of the other million things that actually matter in the world. Because compared to those things, a card with a gentle dig at ginger-haired kids is easily ignored.

"... smoke it out then 'it it over the 'ead with a spade"

2009-12-09T14:23:00.005Z

Here's an interesting picture, I took today whilst walking near where I live. I don't think it's particularly gruesome, but I can see some people wouldn't like this much.

I thought it important to show it though. I've never seen anything like it in my entire life.

A pile of dead moles is certainly not something you'll ever see outside BHS in Hull city centre, that's for sure.

I reckon there are three ways you can look at this.

1. You can be utterly disgusted with the disregard for the lives of animals, and complain loudly about the welfare of innocent creatures being slaughtered in this way.

2. You can accept that moles are a nuisance to farmers because they ruin meadowland with their molehills, hence reducing the amount of grass available to feed their stock during the winter months, and putting their livelihoods at some risk of being financially affected. They are stacked up for future use elsewhere, possibly falconry, or such like.

3. You can suppose that country folk are barking mad, and no other sane person in the entire world would even consider stacking up dead moles on a fencepost next to a public right of way, in this manner.

I fall somewhere between 2 and 3, although sympathise with 1 a little bit. If you stacked up dead rats in this way outside Tesco, there'd be complaints for sure.

I'll be off out again tomorrow, and I'm hoping to find some tap-dancing red squirrels. You'll be the first to know if I spot any.

Swindon - twinned with Disneyland

2009-12-07T17:02:00.003Z

image: The Guardian

Sounds like a joke, but evidently it's true, according to this BBC report. Swindon? Disneyland? No doubt the Swindon schoolchildren are all gagging for the exchange visit.

I've been to Swindon. I spent a week there on a work training course, and remember very little of it, asides from a few snippets.

The magic roundabout. Yes, we've all heard of it, the locals love it but to a visitor, it's scary as hell. I don't ever want to repeat the experience of driving round/across it. Perhaps the thrill-seekers would get as big a kick out of driving around it, as they would on any Disneyland white-knuckle ride.

The dodgiest nightclub I ever visited. Oh yes. Dodgier than Hull's former Tower nightclub. Even dodgier, I'd guess, than Hull's former "Henry's" nightclub... or maybe not. Still, though, very dodgy. Can't remember it's name. It was split in two, had the stickiest carpets in nightclub history, and drinks were included in the entry fee hence it was rammed. Although dodgy, still a good night, if I remember, although for some reason I decided to wander back to the hotel, on my own, in a town I was unfamiliar with, and at one point had to run. Fast. The clue was, the guy shouting abuse had ripped his shirt off and thrown it on the floor. Not sure what I'd done, but I certainly didn't plan a civilised discussion over tea and biscuits.

erm... that 's it. Actually, after a full week, the only other thing I remember about Swindon was the hotel, which was very nice. So there you go. Swindon, home of bad roundabouts, bad nightclubs and bad, scary people. There's a strapline for the Wiltshire tourist board.

There's one thing I do know, though. I don't want to go to Disneyland, and I'm certainly not keen on a trip back to Swindon. Hence, they probably deserve to be twinned!

Street-Porter watch

2009-11-30T13:34:00.005Z

In my quest to ensure Janet Street-Porter contributes to the local community, I've spotted this.

She's at the school motivating the kids. She's been entering animals into the show. I've seen her at a couple of local events this year. She's even been on Gordon Ramsay's show, plugging our dale.

Oh yes. Street-Porter is a fully-fledged local. Probably gets more involved in local events than I do, but then I've got no money and can't afford to get involved with bugger-all at the moment, which is a bit sad.

If I spot her again, be sure I'll keep you informed!

"The 'Dick Turpin' savings bank"

2009-11-25T12:51:00.003Z

The banks appear to have won the great bank charges debate, thanks to a high court ruling that basically says the OFT aren't allowed to rule on whether charges are fair or not.

There are two points of view about bank account charges. The first is from the point of view of people who are careful with their cash, never go overdrawn, and aren't subject to charges. They argue that if, as banks claim, the charges they levy on unauthorised overdrafts and the like allow them to continue to offer free bank accounts, then why should they have to start paying a monthly fee on their account? Which is true, I guess.

The other view is, that in today's modern age, it costs next to nothing if the bank has to refuse a payment. They don't even send letters anymore, if you have a paperless account. In my experience, the people who are regularly running up charges on their accounts are either bad at finances, which is their hard luck, or more likely the low paid, who are only permanently running up charges because it's the charges themselves that are putting them in the red. If you are having financial difficulty, it seems a bit unfair that you are subsidising people who can easily afford to pay their way in life, by luck or judgement. Anyone can fall on hard times in the future, and we'll see if some of the smug 'well don't go overdrawn then' smart-alecs are so clever if their financial circumstances change. City centres the country over are populated with Big Issue sellers who probably didn't expect to be in a position of homelessness.

Here's a couple of examples. 3 years ago, I bought a telly over a 2 year loan, but accidentally gave the d/d details for a savings account with no money in it. That's my fault. The bank charged me because they refused to pay the bill, because there was no money in the account, and no overdraft facility. They took the charge from the very same account, making it overdrawn and incurring a charge for an unauthorised overdraft. The company taking the money charged me for the rejected payment, and because the d/d was set for the payment due date, they charged me again for being behind with my payments. That one error cost me £130 in charges, for a £40 payment, one charge being for something the bank did but wouldn't let me do, and one because there was no leeway on payment dates. Which I think is unfair. There's no way the cost to the banks was anywhere near that amount.

3 months ago, a payment took our joint account over it's limit. We were charged for this. The bank also rejected two direct debit payments, one of which was for £8. Total charges; £105. We put money into the account to cover being overdrawn - we'd already worked out we needed more money that month, but because the bank couldn't be bothered putting a letter in the post we thought we'd put the money in on time. We hadn't, and next month the exact same thing happened. Ironically, the only reason we went over our limit again, was because of the £105 charge. So, going £50 over the overdraft limit will probably end up costing us the thick end of £300.

I don't think that's fair. I accept it's my fault, but for one small error I'm penalised beyond my means - we haven't go £300 to spare. Especially when I know that the cost to the bank was limited. The bank, incidentally, has changed the charges on it's account to much less, as have others, and I suspect they didn't expect to win today's ruling. They did, and can now continue to take our money at will. And although I'm no socialist, the poor subsidising the better off is wrong.

The one thing it has done is make me more determined to end my reliance on banks, so today is the first day of my 5-year plan to pay off everything I owe. Then I can tell the banks to shove it.

Incidentally, I work for a bank. I like my salary, so will say no more than refer you to the famous words of Mark Twain;

"A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain."

another b%**!y birthday

2009-11-13T11:28:00.009Z

image: creative paper wales.co.uk

I turned 37 on monday, as anyone on Facebook will know, and a week later I've not come to terms with it yet.

Which is odd. Some one once told me that if you got up this morning, it's already a good day, and he was right. So I got older, but that's to be celebrated.

Except that, as you know, I'm stuck in the past. My life ain't great at present, and every time I look at methods to improve this, people invariably require money to assist in getting out of the great rut I've lodged myself firmly into. So it's only to be expected, then, that I look to happier times, and happier birthdays.

Hm. Happier birthdays? I've been recapping some of the birthdays I've had in the past, and some have definitely being better than others. 18, I spent with family having a pub meal, which was pleasant if not exciting. 21, the family came round again, and everyone had a jolly time, I believe. 19, I vaguely remember the drunken, and exceptionally embarrassing (and ultimately, unsuccessful - unsurprisingly, really; I'm amazed I escaped without a slap, or twenty) attempts of making 'friends' with a work colleague. Oooooooh lordy, that still makes me shiver.

13, now that was a laugh. Bonfire night with some kids from school, highlights being 'Briggsy' stepping backwards onto a rocket and watching the sellotape-repaired projectile almost blow up next door's house, and the unintended (and deeply upsetting) destruction of my collection of painted Airfix WW2 fighter planes, in 1:72 scale. The day culminating in a gunfight with various toy guns, firing projectiles of disk/sucker dart variety.

17 was the first birthday I don't particularly recall getting excited about. I remember getting up, and not being fussed, getting ready and going out without any real celebration or inclination to do so. At all. Ironically, my 17th birthday was also the day the Berlin wall came down, so perhaps it's not surprising the entire day paled into insignificance.

30, I spent a weekend in a B&B in Wharfedale, which was fantastic, so much so we went back for my wife's 30th. Hers was more memorable, due to the whole of the dales being flooded; we almost didn't make it back to the b&b, but it sticks in the brain and provided some good pictures.
22. The university had organised buses to London, at £4 a head, so we could all attend a student march. So we went to London, and ignored the march to have a day in the capital. For £4. Most enjoyable.

And that's it. No other birthdays stick in the head, or stand out, sadly. Which suggests I'm either boring, or don't do anything exciting anymore, or both. Someone else once told me (a French teacher, as I recall) that life is like a bar of Galaxy. 8 chunks, 10 years a chunk, and that's it. Well, I'm 3 years off my 4th chunk, so I'd better start getting ready for 40!

Anyway. To end the week, and try and cheer me up a bit (!) here's a video. The obvious one would be Stevie Wonder singing his birthday greetings to Nelson Mandela, but that's boring and obvious and I'd much rather be reminded of Clare Grogan in her prime, so enjoy, courtesy of Youtube.

ho ho chuffin' ho

2009-11-04T09:31:00.004Z

I went into a famous catalogue-shopping establishment (let's call it 'argoose') last week. End of October, and they were playing christmas tunes over the tannoy. It's started, then, the countdown to christmas.

I used to love the festive season. As a kid, it's great. It's your one chance to own a decent telly/stereo/computer. When I was 7, we all had to write letters to Santa at school. I asked for a torch, and a 'Race & Chase' slot-racing-budget-Scalextric thing. Remarkably, that's what I got, so credit to the school for organising that one! Thing is, it was exciting. Even when I got older, Christmas was still a laugh.

Then I started work. My first job was for Gateway supermarkets, in November 1988. Christmas was hard work, but a laugh. The tannoy music was cheesy, but Christmas started properly in December, and in the years after, the money I earnt in this job paid for some fantastic nights out over Christmas. Christmas Eve to me was a better night than New Year, because it wasn't as busy and everyone was up for a laugh. Even the year I was spectacularly ill on sweet cider whilst in fancy dress was a laugh.

Then something changed. I continued to work in supermarkets, for Kwik-Save and then Iceland. Back in 1988, Christmas Eve had a pattern, the morning was mad-busy with people buying fresh produce, and the afternoon went quiet as people went home to prepare for the next day. We'd all go home by 4pm.

The rot started at Kwik Save. Firstly, they opened Sundays. Then, they opened late nights until 10pm - an utter waste of time, and on the council estate I worked on, it was a serious security risk as well. That was followed by a mandate that at close of business Christmas Eve, we all had to stay late to get the shop ready for re-opening, and that took away the one perk of retail. We'd worked like idiots for a week so we could relax on Christmas Eve, but now we were being told that we had to stay late, whilst I suspect the head office and board of directors were all down the pub.

Something else changed. Christmas started in August, not December or even late-November. By December 24th, we'd had 4 months of it. In addition, customers changed. Christmas Eve became busy all day. Customers started buying more and more junk they didn't need. In reality, the shops are shut for one day, but it became really obvious that as a retailer, my job was to take as much money from the customer as possible, whether they had it or not.

And that killed it for me. Not just the 4 months of festive season, but the realisation that there really isn't any purpose to Christmas anymore, other than to spend money on crap. Crap that in reality, on boxing day will probably be half price. Crap that is readily available throughout the year, but we've been programmed to buy it in December.

People hear this, and then tell me 'Ah, but it's for families'. Hmm. It's the perfect time of the year for people to be made to feel inadequate that their family isn't perfect, particularly those who've lost relatives. You get cards from people who you've not seen for ten years, and cards from people at work you see every day, for God sake. TV is full of trash, even more so than usual, and the Queen gets to patronise her long-suffering subjects.

So, if I appear grumpy over Christmas, I apologise, but truthfully it has no meaning to me anymore, other than to sit in front of the telly enjoying some time off work with a fridge full of beer, Which I think is a bit sad. I doubt Santa will be bringing me a torch this year!

I've stopped wanting to ride my bicycle

2009-10-21T14:39:00.003+01:00

Well, I did it. I went out on the bike. 8 miles into Pateley, and 8 miles back.

10 years ago I'd have ripped up the road. It'd have taken an hour at most. Bradley Wiggins, Lance Armstrong, Graham Obree, they'd have been left in my wake as I flew through the roads of Upper Nidderdale at phenomenal speed, arcing through the corners, stood on the pedals up the hills.

Back in the real world, 40 minutes there and 50 minutes back is what it actually took. Every single muscle in my body is now screaming at me to go to bed until tomorrow morning. Muscles I had genuinely forgotten I had. Legs. Arms. Back. Even my stomach is complaining.

I'm actually quite depressed at how unfit I've become in a year and a half, and I'm clearly going to have to do something about this. 8 miles a night for the next week at least.

But not tomorrow. Looks like the bus again, for a week or so at least!

I want to ride my bicycle

2009-10-16T16:06:00.004+01:00

I've spent the afternoon making my bicycle roadworthy again. To be fair, it only took some work on the brakes, but it's now in fine fettle and raring to go. Unlike it's owner. I'm 36, and my fitness is the lowest it's ever been. I actually ran the cycle down our lane (approx. 500 yards), went back up the hill, and wondered whether or not I should ring NHS Direct for advice such was the burning in my chest. Had I have made the call, they'd never have got a coherent word out of me.

Consequently, I need to start using the thing again. Long gone are the days when I would randomly go on a 90-mile round trip to Scarborough for a day out, on the racing cycle I put together myself - the picture at the top is that very bike, in fact, before I was dumb enough to put it on eBay. I can still tell you the brand name of every part of that bike down to the number of teeth on the chainwheel/rear cluster, and regret selling it still.

And then I remember why I sold it, because it had 14 gears, all in the high range. It was like owning a Ferrari, lovely but not practical for nipping to the local supermarket. It went like stink off a stinky stick, but relied on the rider to be fit and agile, something which I'm not anymore. Hence, I got a new one with more suitable gearing a few years back, which needed repairing today to make it roadworthy again, and now it's done I've no excuse not to get fit again.

Restoring my rapidly-flagging fitness is only a secondary reason for this sudden re-interest in cycling. The prime reason for doing this is because I've no money, and at £80 a month I could save a fair bit by forgetting the bus and cycling the 16.6 miles between Harrogate and Leeds. Each way. I've done a regular commute that was 10 miles each way before. I also regularly cycled to meet a train at Selby on a 6 speed folder, which was 8 miles. So I'm confident I can do it - if I stay fit enough. Watching cyclists fly past our stationary bus in the regular morning traffic-jams in Leeds is also providing inspiration.

I've mentioned this to Mrs B. The conversation goes "I'm going to cycle to work." "No you're not". End of conversation. Ultimately, Mrs B thinks I'm going to be squashed by a car/bus/truck/JCB (delete as applicable), but I genuinely don't believe it's any more dangerous than crossing the road. My moped is far, far scarier to ride, and at the pace I used to cycle at it's probably not much quicker in it's current, speed-restricted, state. The highlight of my youth was overtaking old, flagging (usually Tomos - brand, ie rubbish) mopeds. Hilarious fun, watching said-moped riders face as some upstart on a Raleigh Pursuit flew past, pedalling flat out, laughing uncontrollably as sweat poured from his brow.

Anyway. I have a day off work next Wednesday, and will go for a trial run then. My bus ticket runs out Tuesday, so either I renew it on the way home or go for it.

10 BORDER 0 : PAPER 0 : INK 7: CLS

2009-10-09T10:09:00.009+01:00

I'm about to go off on a huge nostalgia trip, for which I'm not even going to apologise. But if all this reminiscing about the past winds you up, you'll hate what's coming.

Still here? Excellent. Take a look at the picture above.

They're both mine, I rediscovered them during a recent clearout. For those who don't know, the one at the top is a Spectrum+ 48K. Below it is a ZX81. Somewhere in the garage, I have an original Spectrum, complete with rubber keys.

The ZX81 is older, but I guess the Spectrum is the most important of the two to myself. It started life as a rubber-keyed 16K model, was upgraded to 48K, and had the improved keyboard added later still. It had 8 colours (16 colours technically - light and dark shades of each!), which improved on the ZX81 which was black and white, low resolution, 1K memory, and no lower case characters. Plug the Spectrum into the TV now, and it still fires up the start screen, although the keyboard refuses to accept any input which I reckon is because the Kempston joystick interface was faulty and killed the rest of the computer. (The ZX81 works, but you need a particular type of old TV with manual tuning, and the wind needs to be blowing from the north-east at exactly 14.3 MPH. Its temperamental, to say the least!)

Possibly, none of the above paragraph made any sense to you. It made no sense at work on Wednesday, when I was trying to explain what this machine was, to no avail until someone piped up 'It was an old games console'.

Which I guess it was, kind-of. If that's what you wanted it to be. But it was more than that. It was programmable, and it let you write your own games if you had the time and patience. With the right adaptor, it let you write letters and print them out. Clive Sinclair, who owned the company that invented and sold these computers once claimed that the ZX81 could run a nuclear power station. Doubtful - the add-on memory module reset by moving it, so one knock and we would be clearing up nuclear fallout for decades.

The thing is, during the 1980's you had two options in life. People wax lyrical about 1980's music, but between 1983-1989, I can't really place many songs. That's because instead of visiting school disco's, I was sat in my bedroom, destroying my eyesight on a black and white telly, writing pointless programs - or even worse, copying them line for line from magazines. Copying computer programs was long-winded, laborious, but when the program failed to work you could learn an awful lot about programming by trying to de-bug your 6 hours worth of typing.

When I did my A-level in computing, I had to adapt to other programming languages. But, this was stupidly easy for me because I already knew the basics. Later during my HND, I picked up Pascal programming far easier than about 50% of my year, because I'd already learnt most of the techniques. Still now, I can implement IF..THEN..ELSE statements in Excel spreadsheets. So, during the 80's when everyone bought their kids computers without having a clue what they did, or why, under the pretext that 'it'll help with their homework', I guess it really did help with mine. It probably help me avoid a lot of homework too, I 'lost' an awfully large number of books at school due to homework not being done, because I'd been up until 2am attempting to get Bilbo Baggins out of the Goblin's dungeon.

Of course, with modern PC's and Internet access, computers really do help with homework. Computers are now a tool, and pretty much anyone can use one because you don't normally need to write your own program. It also helps that computers generally work together - it's a choice of Windows/Linux PC, or Apple. In 1982 when the Spectrum was born, there were numerous computers, and none of them were compatible with each other. BBC. Oric-1. Dragon 32. Commodore 64. Jupiter Ace. Even computers made by the same manufacturer were incompatible. The two computers above had similarities, but just because Sinclair made them doesn't mean the older programs worked on the new computer!

These computers were all but dead by the 1990's, and the replacement Amiga's/Atari ST's that replaced them where far, far more advanced and useful, setting the platform for today's modern computers. I moved to an Amiga because my friends had them, as I got a Spectrum because most of the people my dad worked with had them - attitudes to pirated software were lax compared to today.

Anyway. Enough reminiscing, but if you've never seen this, I guarantee it'll bring back a flood of memories for any other saddo's like me. Granted it's been around for ages, but I still like it. And if you want to relive your Spectrum experience, well there are a load of emulators here.

A grand day out

2009-09-22T13:55:00.004+01:00

It's nice to type up a blog entry about something I actually enjoyed, rather than the usually whinging that seems to have become a habit of mine recently, but yesterday I had a day out with Mrs B at the annual Nidderdale Agricultural Society show. And, I have to say, it was a bloomin' good day out.

Last year, the 2008 show (held in Pateley Bridge) was my first ever visit to an agricultural show. The Nidderdale show is held 8 miles down the road from where I live, so is quite an important event in my hamlet and around the local area. In fact, the Nidderdale show attracts entries from all over the country, in part because it's the last show of the year, and therefore the last opportunity to display your animals before they go away for the winter. It's also a good excuse to get together with like-minded people, and discuss farming matters. I enjoyed it as a day out, but some of these people I suspect rarely meet anyone on a day-to-day basis, and the show is a real chance to get together that rarely happens in the hill farming communities.

I went to the Great Yorkshire Show earlier in the year, but didn't really enjoy it, mainly because it was so big. There didn't feel like any local input, there wasn't anything there I could properly relate to. That's not true of the Nidderdale show. It's like a very big, very well organised village fete. I got the tickets from the farmer 3 doors away, who helped organise it. The bloke from down the road was stewarding the sheep. The lady next door had entered about a million things into the handicrafts section, and from last years successes, she probably expected some decent prize money as well!

Anyway. The only disappointment of the day was the non-attendance of the 'White Helmets' Motorcycle Display team due to swine flu, although the chap who replaced them was pretty impressive - jumping off ramps on a quad bike isn't something I would recommend you try! The animals were all turned out exceptionally well, and there was a particularly good turnout in the sheep classes as you'd expect in a predominantly sheep-farming area! The food tents were OK, but a few more wouldn't go amiss - an opportunity to promote local produce was probably missed here. And of course, there were some unfeasably large vegetables winning prizes in the food tent.

You may also remember this post, suggesting Janet Street-Porter got off her butt and offered more support, after her measly £5 donation last year. Well, I'm pleased to report, having perused the 2009 catalogue, that she entered chickens and pigs into the various categories. I've no idea whether she won, or indeed if she was there, but a large pat-on-the-back is required. I entered nothing this year, to my disgrace, although I've earmarked the categories which will receive my patronage this time. You should come along and see them for yourself!

Nb. I'm not sure how many prizes my neighbour won, however I can confirm at least, that she won in one out of the four flower arranging categories AND took the prize for the best display in all four categories. Pretty impressive, I'd say!

Jings, Crivvens, Help ma' Boab

2009-09-18T09:09:00.013+01:00

Now, here's a photograph that speaks a thousand words. It might look like an innocent holiday snap to you, but believe me, the look of joy on my face is genuine.

Regular visitors to Scotland on the A1 may recognise it. It's the 'Welcome to England' sign on the south-bound carriageway, and when the picture was taken in 2001 it made the pitiful brown sign welcoming you to Scotland on the other side of the road look embarrassing. They get a boring sign, we get a layby and custom-built stone sign. The most amusing thing about the 'Scotland Welcomes You' sign across the road is that, truthfully, it didn't welcome me one little bit. Long before Scottish Parliaments, but after Braveheart the movie, Scotland extended an icy-cold stare in place of a handshake. I couldn't wait to leave.

I'll give you some Beetwaste - Scotland background. There are 3 reasons I had a downer on Scotland. I went on a family holiday to Edinburgh which, despite the good company, was crap. It rained. All the time. There was nothing much to do for a teenage boy with an interest in railways that he'd yet to grow out of. Edinburgh in the rain is a black, dull, miserable place, even in festival week. Oh yes, it was dire. My only other visit was a day out to Dumfries, the Queen of the South. Oh dear, what a dreary place. The riverbank was being rebuilt, and we only went because Mrs Beetwaste (despite some tenuous Scottish lineage) had never actually visited the country. There is a third reason I don't like Scotland, but that's for another day!

So, in 2001, we took a decision to visit the place properly, and vowed to have an open mind. 2001 was the year of the foot and mouth outbreak, and our usual holiday destination was limited because all the footpaths were closed to walkers. Scotland didn't have this restriction, at the not in the Highlands. So, tent packed into the 1988 Toyota Corolla, off we went.

Plan A was to camp in Edinburgh, and we took the back road, the A68, a very scenic route. It was very nice. In Edinburgh, the campsite appeared to be shut, so we consulted our 'Good Campsite Guide 2001' and headed off to Galashiels, to a recommended site. It wasn't so much a campsite, as a refugee facility that seemed to be housing victims of the Galashiels earthquake. We left fearing for our lives (seriously!), and found a layby. Our first night was spent scrunched into a camping-equipment rammed car, in a layby near a not-very-pleasant Scottish border town. Not a great introduction to Caledonia.

So, next morning, about 4am-ish, cramp in legs, unwashed, after a toilet stop in the bushes near the layby, we set off again. Now, Edinburgh at 5am in the sun is a revelation, a glorious city - if you ever go, get up early before the traffic and tourists ruin it. The two Forth bridges were an impressive site. Breakfast at McDonalds, drive on to a campsite on a disused railway platform near Crianlarich (we would have stopped at Ardlui, a favourite haunt of my parent-in-laws, but it appeared very unfriendly, plus the campsite-to-toiletblock walk crossed the main road to the Highlands, which seemed dangerous). That campsite was very nice, and looking on Google, it seems that we stayed at the Glen Dochart caravan park. Ironically, the site owner was English!

The week had highs and lows. The highlight was the Pitlochry fish ladder and dam, well worth a trip. But my biggest problem was the locals. With the notable exception of a garage in Stirling who fixed my car for the cost of parts and were very friendly, most of the other places I visited clearly wanted me to go back home.

The first time it happened, I thought it was just me - remember I'd vowed to go with an open mind. We bought chips in Fort William (now there's an overrated destination, don't waste your time or money visiting unless you have to!) The woman behind the counter was chatting to everyone in front of us, and some were clearly tourists. It got to our turn, and she clammed up the moment I opened my mouth, and managed the impressive feat of serving me using only the basic essential words, before continuing to the chap behind us as she was before. Couldn't have been more unfriendly if I'd been wearing a 'Robert the Bruce was a t**t' t-shirt.

Then, a toilet stop in the Glencoe visitors centre. Oh, that was a pleasure. The toilets are actually inside the centre, therefore you have to pay to go in for a pee. So whilst in there we had a look around. It had cost us a quid! The 'highlight' was a video about what utter bastards the English landowners were, casting poor Scottish women and children into the snow during their eviction. Ok, the land clearances were not our finest moment as a nation, but it's not my fault! The over-dramatisation of this event again, made me feel about as welcome as a dog in a cat convention.

The moment when I accepted that it wasn't just my prejudice, and I genuinely wasn't welcome, was at a place called Luss on the banks of Loch Lomond (again, vastly over-rated as a beauty spot, Loch Tay near Dundee is far, far more scenic and unspoilt). Luss is the place were 'Take the High Road' was filmed, the well-known Scottish soap featuring Mrs Mack. I purchased an ice-cream from a girl who displayed the exact same traits as the Fort William chip-shop owner, only it was multiplied by a million, ie. a 'Give me your money and sod off back south' attitude. No such worries about the bus load of American tourists, who were welcomed with open arms by a piper.

And that was it. Tartan, bagpipes, tins of shortbread with pictures of Rabbie Burns on them. It fitted every stereotype, but instead of being proud and patriotic it came across as 'We don't want to be like you, and all our problems are your fault'. So we went home.

Well that's not true, we only went 'home' in the sense of heading back to Yorkshire. Our trip home went via a petrol station to dispose of our useless Scottish bank notes (the guy's face when I gave him an English £10 note was priceless, you'd have thought I'd handed over a handful of rabbit droppings!) It also took us through Glasgow, which we passed through with doors locked. What a truly awful city. Nasty, dirty, unpleasant place, like every sink estate in Britain concentrated into one place.

We headed off to Arncliffe in Littondale. The campsite had 2 tents in it, including us, and the bloke in there was over the moon to see us. You see, they'd had a shocking year, because the news was full of how bad foot and mouth was, how everything was shut, and how you should keep away. In fact, only the paths were shut. The tourist places were crying out for people, because they'd finally realised how important visitors were. Wherever they were from.

The rest of the week was great. The weather was rubbish, obviously - it was a camping holiday. But the people were great, the views were great, the attractions were great. We were home. And we were welcome. In fact, we still are, most of the time! If you have a better experience of Scotland, I'm pleased, but I still thinks it's a shame that my view of a glorious, scenic, nation has been jaundiced by the chippy attitude of the locals. And, Edinburgh is the rain is still rubbish!

Suits you, Plato

2009-09-16T13:25:00.004+01:00

I try not to earwig other peoples conversations on my daily bus trip to Leeds, but over the last few days a couple of kids have had discussions which I find it difficult to get my head around.

First, I heard these two older adolescents discussing a suit. One had 3, apparently, on the advice of his mother.

The next day, it turns out that 2 of these suits are awaiting completion at the tailor.

This is odd, because I've only ever had 3 suits. One I got married in, one was from Grattan, and the third was an oddly striped item from Southwells on Anlaby Road, Hull - it was cheap, but I didn't pay for it. These two kids were both wearing tailored suits to wear to school. Leeds Grammar, as it turns out.

This morning's chat involved maths. The conversation revolved around whether Maths was a language, and culminated in a discussion about the views of Plato on this subject.

Now, when I went to school, I certainly didn't wear a suit, in fact f I'd have turned up at Wolfreton in one - and Wolfreton is one of Hull/East Riding's better comprehensives - I'd have certainly arrived home in attire resembling rags and a level of street-cred lower that it already was. I could easily bamboozle people with discussions about palaeontology, but never actually discussed the works of philosophers, and certainly not on the bus. Being able to pronounce 'Archaeopteryx' already labelled me a bit of a geek anyway. More likely, the discussion would be about the state of the cheddar butteries in the canteen, or who'd been seeing/beaten up by who.

Private schools appear to have a different agenda to the bog-standard comprehensive I went to. My cousin went to a private school. He flunked his GCSE's, retook most of them at my 6th form, and preferred his time in the state sector primarily because they actually called him by his first name. However, he carried himself very differently to the people I knew, and was certainly more confident than I ever will be. Maybe the private education gives you life advantages, or maybe it's just that people in private education have better advantage anyway. Certainly they have more money, judging by the procession of top-of-the-range 4-wheel drive vehicles that delay our progress in the morning, delivering Jeremy Whittington-Smythe to his day of Latin lessons.

I remain open minded about private education. But if I had kids, there's no way they'd get away with discussing Plato on the bus. That's just not right!

Wedding night-do hell

2009-08-30T12:07:00.004+01:00

I was 'lucky' enough to accompany Mrs Beetwaste to a wedding do last night, a work colleague she knows got married.

Now, anyone who has ever known me well over the last few years knows what I think of weddings. Generally, I've never been to one I enjoyed. In fact, I have a habit of avoiding them at all costs. Once, I asked my work to ensure my shift was essential, in order that I didn't have to attend a family event. Truly awful days. I particularly object to spending the day pretending to look like I'm enjoying myself.

A wedding is nothing to do with me, of course. No doubt your wedding was great, if you've had one. But there are various shades of wedding. There's ours, which involved 5 people all day and involved as few traditional elements as possible. There are the ones that try to be a bit different, and good luck to those people. But every now and again, a wedding crops up which is labelled as 'traditional', and believe me, the do I went to last night ticked every box for a traditional wedding.

Bride in flowing white dress - tick.
First dance by bride/groom - tick.
Throwing bouquet - tick.
Small children playing with balloons and falling asleep - tick.
Bored looking old people - tick.
Cackling girls dressed like slappers, dragging bored boyfriends around - tick.
Crap DJ - tick tick tick!

Everything I dislike, wrapped up in shiny paper, tied in a bow and presented with a big fanfare and a giant banner. And as for the DJ. Oh lordy. There are good DJ's. There are bad DJ's. And, there are wedding DJ's. who sandwich "Breathe Slow" by Alesha Dixon between "Warriors' Dance" by the Prodigy and "Human" by the Killers . And if you must have an ultra violet light, don't wear a white shirt because you look a bit silly.

I'm sure the bride had a great day. Flowing dress aside, she was properly the centre of attention, looked fantastic, and the best quote I heard was "Her face hurts because she's not stopped smiling all day". That's how it should be.

But my word, I hated it! I won't be upset if you don't invite me to yours. In fact, make a point of telling me you aren't and I'll like you more for your honesty!

This goes on in the 21st Century

2009-08-07T09:35:00.004+01:00

I'm keen on keeping this blog neutral. I believe people can make their own minds up about things, and what I write here is my personal opinion. But I'm making no apologies for being a bit partisan on this one, because it's got me riled.

I don't profess to be a dog lover. I find dogs similar to children, in that they demand constant attention, can't be left on their own for long and require cleaning up after themselves all the time. Maybe your dog is different, but I tend to find it's the general theme. And like children, I can generally tolerate other peoples dogs for short periods of time, as long as they go away again quite quickly.

Well maybe I'm being a bit harsh! But dogs do require looking after. It's part of the deal when you get the dog. You feed it, walk it, keep it healthy, and give it fuss and attention. If you do this, your dog will be a loyal companion for life. By and large, I expect most people do this. Unfortunately, it's not always the case, and as such organisations like the RSPCA will always be around until people accept that mistreating your pet is unacceptable.

I don't believe you can separate child abuse from animal abuse. I'd suspect that people who mistreat animals are of the same mindset of child abusers (and it appears others think the same). Children have no voice other than their parents. Animals have no voice either. In fact, children have a chance of growing up and gaining a voice, which can deal with the issues in later life, whereby animals never do. It's utterly unacceptable in both cases. I suspect animal abuse probably offends me more, personally, because I have no children, and people I know who have children all, quite rightly, become very 'child-first'.

Therefore, when I saw this report on Sky News on Tuesday night, you can only imagine how disgusted I was. I genuinely cannot believe that in 2009, there are fully licensed puppy farms, keeping intelligent creatures in small pens, permanently indoors, never seeing daylight. Never seeing any light it would appear, as the lights were off and there were no windows in the large shed the dogs were in. Some dogs hiding in the corner. Some dogs pacing through boredom. Some animals with puppies, one of which appeared lifeless. Fully licensed by the local authority. It's actually not illegal to do this.

The puppies at least get a fighting chance of eventually having some quality of life, unlike the mothers' who are allowed to do nothing more than breed continuously. That's assuming that the puppies don't have any physical or psychological problems. The report spoke to people whose dogs became ill, and didn't last 4 months. The dogs from these farms are sent to pet shops, who charge ridiculous amounts of money for these animals. The report featured a particular store, 'Dogs 4 Us' with branches in Leeds and Manchester, though I expect there are similar stores throughout the country. I would guess that Sky News took an interest in these stores because they have pictures up of the famous people they've supplied, including Wayne Rooney.

Well, I believe that dogs aren't like a tin of beans from Asda, and pet shops aren't the place to buy them. I reckon pet shops should sell pet accessories, and leave the pets to registered breeders, who can vet the buyers for suitability to own a dog and show you the mother and puppies together, so you know they've had some sort of quality of life. I'm sure that in the 21st century, puppy farms should be closed down, in the same way that supermarkets stock eggs from caged hens less and less, as people's awareness of how animals are treated changes over time.

The RSPCA agree. I don't always see eye to eye with them, but when they campaign properly then they deserve our support - have a look here. I suggest you let your MP know. Most importantly, if you're wanting a dog then avoid the pet shop and follow the guidelines, because your dog is likely to have problems if it's from the wrong place. And finally, if you are considering buying a dog, don't go to a crummy little pet shop. I wonder if these dog warehouses walk the animals daily? Give them attention? It's like a dog zoo.

Zoos. There's another story entirely, and I'll save that one for another day I think!

"I'm still waiting for permission for a poo"

2009-07-19T13:49:00.002+01:00

You may remember this previous blog, in which I had a letter telling me the blindingly obvious, my water supply is going to kill me and Mrs. Beetwaste if we drink it untreated. Basically, the council had deemed it necessary to test the water, and inform us it was rubbish and they'll be testing it again soon.

Well, they've been back. We got a letter from Harrogate council. The envelope was addressed to 'The occupier', so someone must've had a word that some people have moved house. Mind you, when I opened the letter it was addressed to the chap down the road. It also stated that they'd been back on 14th June, which is strange because it's actually July.

Anyway, our water is still more toxic than the Sellafield waste outlet, and due to some 1991 'Not drinking really bad, poisonous water act", we have to have a treatment system fitted. We have to inform them when it's done, and they will come and test the water from our own house tap. No doubt we'll have to pay for having the water tested, even though they've been twice and not tested my house supply yet, just the supply from further up the road. They've even provided a nice list of people who can fit the system.

Well, here's the deal. I've already got a system fitted, that is meant to kill off 99.99% of bugs. No-one has actually asked me if I already have this thing fitted yet, they've just assumed I'm stupid. So, there's absolutely no chance whatsoever that I'll be getting in touch with them, especially seeing as they've not even managed to get my name and address details right yet. I'm waiting for the letter telling me that if I don't fit this thing, I'll have to go to court and get fined squillions of pounds for not having done it.

Is there any aspect of daily life that these idiots aren't involved in? GO AWAY. FIND SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO DO. Perhaps I should send an e-mail, saying only that sentence. And, I'll sign it 'The Occupier' as that's what they think my name is!

I'll keep you posted.

Janet Street-Porter is tight

2009-07-14T17:06:00.002+01:00

She is! Titter ye not, madam, obviously I mean in a financial sense. I got information through the post yesterday regarding the Nidderdale Show in September, and listed in there is a list of donations from last year. I was in there - we bought our tickets off the local farmer, £21 inc. parking. Most people are donating between £20 and £50. Janet Street Porter - who lives nearby in Upper Nidderdale - £5 donation. £5! Wouldn't buy you a hot-dog.

I don't know. Big celebrities eh! Although to be fair, I can't see her entering the WI Jam-making competition.

National(ised) Express.

2009-07-01T09:02:00.003+01:00

National Express' East Coast rail franchise has been taken back into public ownership.

National Express took over the old GNER franchise in 2007, to provide the rail services on the East Coast route. This includes Leeds, Hull, York, Newcastle - it's quite important. Now, GNER were actually providing a decent service, but the parent company ran out of cash. So up popped National Express. A company renowned for its excellent road-going coach service, but with limited rail experience - if you want to see what passengers think of their East Anglia franchise, look here. It's not nice reading.

I've used NXEC services, although infrequently. When I was finishing work at 7.30, there was a Trans-Pennine Express service from Leeds at 19:38, but the next one was not until 20:05. However, if I got the NXEC service which left 2 minutes later, I could change at Doncaster and still get home earlier than if I waited around in Leeds station for an hour and a half. To be fair, the trains weren't bad. Clean. Quiet. Loads of luggage space. At least, the electric trains to Kings Cross were, I have heard some bad stories of the old diesel services being poor.

But, the ones I went on were generally only 20% full. And no-one ever, ever, checked my ticket. I guess the guard just couldn't be bothered walking down 8 carriages of people to do this. Perhaps this explains why the service isn't making any money. Or, maybe it's because (and I've just checked this on the NXEC website) the cost of a return to London from Leeds, is between £84 and £223 (ouch!), if you don't book ahead. I could drive a car full of people there myself for about £50. I know, I've done it!

The other reason they are probably doing so badly is legacy services. For example. In the bad old days, there was one direct service from Hull to London in the morning, and one return service in the evening. Hull Trains changed all that by putting on a decent, regular, reliable service, which all but made the old NXEC trains redundant. Another example, in Harrogate I can get an NXEC train to London direct. But there isn't a service that goes all the way back. At all. So if I'm going to London, I might as well change at Leeds. If NXEC were allowed to scrap these types of service, and concentrate on providing a regular service between London and Leeds/Edinburgh, they'd save a fortune and allow other operators to take over these routes, operators who can, and do, make money on them and run them properly.

Now personally, I'd wouldn't have privatised the rail industry. I believe public transport is the responsibility of Government, as part of a national strategy that includes roads, rail, canals, planes, buses and the like. I believe that's the only way we can we sort out the awful mess that our transport network is in. But that's not going to happen. So, my suggestion would be plan B, which is to allow First Group to take over, as they have already tried to do. The reason being, First Group run the Hull Trains franchise, which I've used and is pretty good. They also run the Trans-Pennine Express franchise. Which I regularly used between Selby and Leeds. And, which was pretty good. So they've got the experience, and the services are good. They also own large chunks of the network anyway, including the west coast routes, which would reduce the confusing array of companies all wanting to transport me on the railways when actually, I just want to get from A to B.

We'll see. In the meantime, I'll take the bus.

Another column about Jacko

2009-06-26T08:14:00.005+01:00

(image: Daily Mail)

Well, in case you haven't noticed by the wall-to-wall media coverage, the alleged 'king of pop' is dead. It would be very, very easy to write a blog entry today which put the boot in, but I wasn't brought up to speak ill of the dead, so I won't.

Fact is, I'm no Jackson fan. I own none of his records, have never wanted to buy any. His earlier work is excellent, but just not my taste. His later stuff is garbage, and no doubt we'll see plenty of Jarvis Cocker's Brit-award 'moment'. Quite justified, really. The guy was acting like Jesus! Then there were the legal matters, trials, and allegations. Again, the guy was cleared of all wrongdoing, but that mud properly stuck.

But I'm a charitable person, occasionally. Jackson's legacy in the pop music business is without question, and the tributes from leading musicians & artists back this up. There's no doubt that Jackson's childhood was crazy, and there's no surprise he grew up with serious emotional problems, all well documented elsewhere. I'd also suggest that his life wasn't his. I actually wonder if he really wanted to do the 50 shows at the O2 arena, or more likely he had very little choice? People have said on TV this morning that he was quite a sharp, astute character, but when millions of pounds are involved I would suggest he wasn't quite so in control.

Anyway, the press have now dictated we go into national mourning, but that won't be happening in our house because I'm just not that into his music. His crazy fans will all be over-reacting for a week or two, and I'm sure there'll be litigation and legal actions appearing in the next few weeks, months, years. It would appear his life is incredibly complex, and unravelling it could be messy.

Let the media circus begin. And, I guess, RIP Jacko.

Can't we be friends?

2009-06-17T12:21:00.013+01:00

I see the new fixture lists are out, for the football season. Excellent. Hull City's first match, Chelsea. Man Utd on boxing day.

I'm glad. Honestly. Well ok, I'm not too fussed. Football interests me to the extent that I love to see City doing well, and I was as happy as anyone when they avoided relegation last year. But to claim I'm their number one fan is a lie.

My mother was brought up on Hessle Road in Hull, and her house was about 30 seconds walk away from the Boulevard, which any sports fan will know is the former home of Hull FC, the super-league club to the west of Hull. So, that's what I was brought up with, and that's what gets me going. Sure, I've been to Boothferry Park, and had a great time. I saw Dean Windass put the Tigers in the lead against Bradford, before getting sent off. I experienced Duane Darby scoring a last-minute equaliser against Whitby Town in an FA cup game - 8:4 final score. I even endured 90 minutes of misery at Huddersfield Town's old Leeds Road ground, in a 3-0 defeat. Yes, those games live long in the memory.

But for me, it was all about the black and whites. Greg Mackey's bomb in the 1991 Premiership semi-final that led to the winning try. Cardiff 2005. The old threepenny stand, and being told by the tannoy-bloke not to jump around in it because it might collapse. Getting threatened with eviction at Featherstone, for flicking the V's at the home fans (who were doing far worse to me!) The advertising hoardings at Keighley giving way, resulting in 1 broken leg and a week of - undeserved - negative press. The goalposts coming down at Huddersfield, and the sickening trip home knowing what the rugby league world would be saying, and the chief executive standing amongst the away fans at Warrington in the very next game, to prove a point that he was on our side and a few morons wouldn't result in him letting down the majority of decent sports fans.

Because that's what sport is about. Not just the results, but the experience, good and bad. Sure, I was happy the day Hull City won at Wembley, but I'll bet the people who were there, and have been there for many years, were in another place that day. The nervous night before, the trip down, the game, the journey home, the open-top bus, the pub on the night. It's all part of being a fan. I've never experienced that with City. I've been there with Hull FC.

Ultimately, though, just because I'm not the Tigers' Number one fan, doesn't mean to say I can't wish them well. We share the same ground, we come from the same city, but for heavens sake we are different sports. Hull KR play the same game as FC, and there's no way I could ever wish them well, but that's an obvious rivalry. Hull City are different. So I despair when I read comments on the Hull Daily Mail website, like;

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I agree Rugby Supporter, Why do we have to put with this dribble of a head chaser game!!!
Rovers, Fan

and;

"These eggchasers dont like football and Hull City getting any headlines do they? Makes a change from rugby league players appearing at court though you must admit."

This dumb little war has been going on for years, and is worse since we both moved to the new ground. And I'm not going to take sides, because frankly, both football and rugby fans are as bad as each other. It's truly pathetic. Obviously, football gets bigger crowds. Obviously, some people prefer rugby. Makes no odds to me. I just can't get my head around why people can't follow both games if they want.

So, for the record. Good luck to the Tigers next season, and for crying out loud FC, sort your sorry backsides out - I'm sick of losing every week!!!!!!!

"Dear sir, I'm writing for permission to have a poo..."

2009-06-12T17:23:00.007+01:00

The picture above is a bacteria - a coliform, apparently. And our water supply is rammed full of them.

Not your water supply, I'd guess. If your water comes from the local water company, it'll have been filtered, treated, scrubbed, and cleaned to within an inch of it's life. That's why you pay the water company for something that's free. No, just our water supply.

That's because our water comes from a tank at the top of the hill. The stream that runs past our house fills the tank, and the water comes to our village. There are 5 houses connected to this supply. The water board could supply us direct, but then they'd charge £5,000 a house to connect us, and frankly they can take a running jump.

So, this water comes into my house, goes through 3 filters which kill these little beggars (and remove any lumps of peat from the water - oh yes, when it rains our supply is a lovely dark brown colour) and then we don't drink it. The emphasis on the word 'don't'. We boil it, wash in it, wash pots in it, but there's no way in a million years I'm drinking brown water that comes from fields full of sheep crap. The ablutions of our farm animals, incidentally, are the source of these beggars.

And, I can even tell you how many of these critters are in our water. On 9th June, there were over 201/100ml of water, of which 74/100ml were faecal coliforms. I know this because on that date, Harrogate Council sent an environmental bloke round to test the water coming from an outside tap on the side of a house up the lane.

Oh yes. Despite the fact that we are all perfectly aware of the water quality, a man from the council has decided that we are too dim to work out that brown unfiltered water is a bit manky., and has sent us a letter telling us why it's full of bugs, when they are doing a second test, and what to do. Apparently we should boil the water in the meantime. Durr. Two of the houses are lived in by families who have farming pedigree going back hundreds of years, in the Nidd valley. I don't think they really need a patronising letter from the council telling them the bleeding obvious now, do they?

Best thing is, they didn't even send me the letter. Even though I pay them a 4-figure sum in council tax every year, the 5 letters were all sent to old names. My letter is addressed to the woman who moved next door. The bloke next door passed away last year. The third house along got a letter to a bloke who moved out 5 years ago. So, I would have known nothing about the imminent health risk if my neighbour hadn't come round and pointed out that this statement of the obvious is probably going to cost £15, at least. And as yet, I've no idea what will happen if the water fails it's July test.

I'll keep you posted!

Nul points

2009-05-15T12:06:00.004+01:00

It's Eurovision again. I love it. It's camper than Butlins, and replacing Wogan with Graham Norton doesn't help matters, but every year I sit down with Mrs. Beetwaste, a fridge full of beer and enough snacks to feed a third-world country, and watch the lot. It's fantastic. No doubt you've noticed it's on. Haven't you?

You should have. The BBC this year has plugged it to death. It's a bit of a new start for it. After the last few years of dross and underachievement, we've pulled out all the stops. Sir Andrew Lloyd-Webber wrote our song. The singer (Jade - that's her at the top with A L-W) seems to have a half-decent pair of lungs on her, and can actually sing. We've been doing the rounds as well, so it would seem; apparently, we've already toured the song around large parts of Europe, so we should be well practised.

We've no chance of victory, though. As much as I hate to say it. I'll be over the moon if we win, but we won't. Partly because the political voting will ensure certain defeat - although the juries are back this year, and the public vote only counts for 50% of each countries mark, which might even things up a bit.

No. We won't win because, although we've made an effort this year, our song ain't the best. The best song is this one. Denmark. It's performed by a bloke who sounds like Ronan Keating. The guy looks a bit like Ronan Keating (Maybe). The song sounds like Ronan wrote it. Ah, well actually, he kind of did. And he did a great job of it. It should win, and that'll make up for the sad and - this year at least - undeserved, exit of Ireland, yet again, at the semi-final stage.

Ah yes, the semi finals. If you didn't see them, well they were a disappointment to say the least. Belarus should have breezed through semi-final one, but alas, white suits and big hair weren't enough for the viewers, who preferred the dirge served up by Bosnia-Herzegovina. And, semi final 2 was truly, truly awful.

...with the notable exception of the Ukrainian entry. Hamster wheels, semi-dressed centurians, and most importantly, a singer who obviously just lost her job at Spearmint Rhino. Denmark should win, but as a seasoned Eurovision viewer I'd put my money on this one. It's got everything a Eurovision song should have, and the Eastern Europeans will love it.

Where there's blame, theres an unsolicited phone call

2009-05-01T17:42:00.006+01:00

I've not written a blog entry for some time, and today I've done two. But I've had a couple of phone calls today that've really got my goat.

The background. Our car insurance renews imminently, so I've been on go-compare-the-money-supermeerkat.com to shop around, as you do. I always, always take care to make sure that the box that says "Don't call me, don't pass my details on, don't waste your phone call on me because I'm not bothered," is marked as "No don't ring me thanks". And I have an interest in doing this; I work for an insurance company and have done my time on the outbound phones, so I have first-hand experience of dealing with people who don't want a call.

Yet there's always one that gets through the net. Normally the call goes "Hi Mr/Mrs Beetwaste, I see you had a quote, do you want it," that sort of thing. I can cope with this. Usually it's "No thankyou," and I'll be polite. But the call wasn't about that.

At 11.30 this morning, the phone rang. I ignored it and dialled 1471, got a Manchester number, and rang it back. It was a company wanting to discuss our car insurance claim. Now, the only claim we've made recently is for a new windscreen, so my initial reaction, naturally, was for the safety of Mrs. Beetwaste, who is in the car today. Then I calmed down, typed the phone number into Google, and discovered that, as I suspected, it was just some idiot wanting to sell us something. Clearly, the money-supermoron websites are now selling on the details of all the claims we've made. So the call was actually to discuss a no-win-no-fee case, for a claim that involved no-one else and is irrelevant to these companies. They have their details totally wrong, and in the process have caused me some concern.

Personally I think this is disgraceful. It's beyond a simple marketing call, because if the wrong person answered then I believe someone could get seriously worried about this. More importantly, the only companies who should have any interest in this, are the insurance companies themselves, when they are calculating my premium. If I want to make a claim, I have ample opportunity to call the ambulance chasers myself. Sadly, these calls clearly work, because if they didn't then there's no way they bother making them. I know that for a fact, because my outbound telesales department shut, because it wasn't working anymore.

Anyway, a lady rang back this evening. I tried not to be rude, but firstly, the automatic dialling system that made the call took 7 seconds to find an agent available to speak to me, which riles me anyway. She then asked for Mrs Beetwaste, but pronounced her name wrong - our real name has 3 letters in it. It's not hard to get right! Finally, she wouldn't tell me what the call was about - no doubt this will be for data protection purposes which I fully appreciate and understand, but the car insurance is in both names, ergo she can speak to either of us. Luckily I'd already done some research and knew exactly what the call was for, so politely suggested she doesn't waste another call.

Hopefully she got the hint, and now I'm going to complain to the relevant consumer groups, like the grumpy old man that I am nowadays.

"I an't got ner patties"

2009-05-01T07:59:00.005+01:00

Something very odd happened recently, and it caught me by surprise. I actually, albeit briefly, felt homesick for Hull. Quite unexpectedly.

I'm not quite sure what brought it on. The Hull-Hull KR derby was on telly over the easter weekend, and maybe I missed being around that buzz it always creates. It might have been visiting the local chippy in Pateley and having fish yet again, because they don't sell patties outside of a 5 mile radius of Hull. (God, I miss Patties. I'd drive 150 miles each way for a pattie fix.) Possibly, it was seeing the Humber Bridge on Sky Sports News, whilst they were previewing Hull City's imminent defeat by Middlesbrough. It might have been a combination of all those things. All I know is, for the first time in nearly two years since I properly left the city, and my job there, I actually wanted to go 'home'.

I use the word 'Home' reservedly. Hull is my birthplace (ok let's be pedantic, North Ferriby - it says Elloughton on my passport and I'm sticking to it). It's where I was brought up. Went to school, and university. Had my first pint. It's where I first fell in love -and got dumped. It's where I met my wife. Started work. Think of any major event in your life, and I did it in Hull. It shaped my entire early-to-recent life.

Yet I never felt totally at home there. Never settled. In the thirteen-plus years I've been with Mrs. Beetwaste, we've lived in seven houses, and there's been something wrong with every one of them that's made us decide to move on. Finally, we've moved to Nidderdale (no, not Sutton Park, the real Nidderdale in North Yorkshire) and it's great. It's lambing time. Every other field is full of sheep and lambs, and we can see them out of our window. We made a home in our favourite part of the world where we've been coming on holiday for years, and it's just fantastic. I wouldn't want to live anywhere else.

Until the other day. As I say, it caught me quite by surprise. I was sat at work, waiting for yet another call about home insurance, and got to thinking about Hull. Walking along the Victoria pier, and gazing across (in the words of Larkin) 'where sky and Lincolnshire and water meet' . Wandering down Whitefriargate (when it had shops). Sitting in Queens Gardens on a Saturday afternoon, eating a Fletchers sausage roll. Indeed, revisiting Queens Gardens on a Saturday night, for other reasons I won't discuss here!

And I guess that's when I snapped out of it. Fletcher's has gone now, and the Hull I remember is promptly disappearing as well. I had some pretty bad experiences in Hull, but I suppose you only remember the good things, and that's not a bad thing at all. I've moved on, and I'm glad I did, because even at 36 I still have some ambition left - which after 34 years was never coming to fruition in Hull. Leeds is a dump, a hole, a dirty, God-forsaken place, but work-wise there are far more opportunities than Hull ever offered. (I wouldn't actually live in Leeds, though. Not a chance.)

I think that the familiarity, the nostalgia, was what made me homesick. If I wanted to buy something, I'd know exactly where to go in Hull. Tyres? Londesborough street. Car parts? Waterloo. Haircut in Harrogate? errrrrrrr pass. It's going to take a very long time to become familiar with this area, and I've come to realise it'll take years, not months. That's what I miss. Not the city. And, that's what hit home recently.

Hull, I salute you, but I've got to go - for now. Just, please, export patties. Pateley Bridge needs them.

Trains? Stick 'em.

2009-03-25T10:05:00.012Z

Now then. The picture above is of a British Rail class 142. Known as a Pacer. Train-spotters call them 'Nodding Donkeys'. By the way, for the record, I've not been a train-spotter for over 20 years now.

I have, however, been a rail commuter. And as such, I've travelled on an awful lot of trains. Class 170 Turbostars, as used on the trans-pennine routes to Hull. Hull Trains Pioneer class trains. Inter-City 125's. Class 158 Super-Sprinters. Some are better than others. But, in the world league of crap trains, the 142-class Railbus is, was, and always has been, by far the worst train ever to appear on the rail network.

Why are they so bad? Ok. They aren't really a train. To make one, you need a chassis, with an engine hanging underneath them. To save money, don't bother with the traditional method of fixing wheels onto a train, which is to fix the wheels on to a seperate 'bogey' and fasten them to the chassis. Instead, you stick a wheel on each corner. Then, you basically take a bus body and bolt it on to the chassis. Put together, a cab at each end, and Voila, one class 142 railbus.

The result is a bouncy ride, that risks inducing travel-sickness on every journey. Uncomfortable seats, with next to no leg room and no luggage space to speak of. Doors that rattle and let the wind in. Assuming you do reach 70 miles an hour (they aren't fast), the draught ensures sub-zero temperatures on every journey. And, if your train is more than 2 carriages long, you can't walk the length of the train because there is no connecting door.

The advantage, as you can guess, is that they are cheap. And in 1985-87, when most of the trains on the railway were 30-40 year old museum pieces, they probably looked like a good option. But in 2009, these things are over 20 years old, and the world is a different place. Train fares are higher than they've ever been, and safety standards have changed - in 1999, an accident in Winsford where an express train hit a (fortunately empty) class 142, proved the inherent dangers in bolting the body to the chassis - the body was sheared straight off. (link)

In North Yorkshire, these things are used on the Harrogate line from Leeds, along with some equally elderly Sprinters. This is a very busy commuter route, particularly between Leeds and Horsforth. The Skipton and Ilkley lines got electric cables and some very nice electric commuter trains. Clean. Reliable. Regular. On the Harrogate line, we get to use these deathtraps, with 20 years of accumulated dirt and grime. It's not unusual for these trains to leave people behind at Burley Park station because the train is so jammed full.

And that brings me to the whole point of this rant. Last night, I found myself sat on one of these things for an hour and a half, because it broke down. Two pairs fastened together, one of which had a brake problem. Not that the brakes weren't working, in fact quite the opposite, on one of the units the brakes applied and wouldn't go off again. I left work at 5, and got home at nearly nine o'clock. Considering that these things are so badly cleaned, it would seem that they are maintained to a similar low standard. If this was a one off, I'd tolerate it. But on the rare occasions I use the train, at least 3 out of the last 5 return journeys I've taken have had some sort of problem.

Bearing in mind that a season ticket is £123/month, I reckon that this is pretty poor, and it really shouldn't be so bad. Trains run to a set timetable, so as long as they are serviced properly they should be perfect. I like trains, they are quick, and unlike buses, they don't sit in traffic jams and don't stop every 500 yards to let people on and off. I would rather use the train.

But the alternative to this pile of old rubbish is the number 36 bus. For a start, it goes to Ripon, which the railway doesn't do anymore since Dr Beeching shut what would probably be a very healthy commuter line. In addition, the no. 36 bus is usually clean (trains take note), has leather seats upstairs, is regular (if a bus breaks down, it's 10 minutes to the next one, at peak time). And as importantly as all this, it's only £78 a month. £45 less than the train, for a better service. The £78 ticket, incidentally, lets you use any 'Harrogate and District' bus, any where, at any time, for no extra cost. The train ticket restricts you to Harrogate to Leeds.

Bit of a no-brainer, really. Guess how I'm getting to work tomorrow. At least, until the trains get some money spent on them. As that's not been the case for the last 40 years (excluding the wasted projects), I'm not holding my breath waiting.

Oh no, I forgot to tape 'Crown Court'

2009-03-20T16:15:00.003Z

I've just been revisiting my 34th birthday prezzie from Mrs. Beetwaste. It was a copy of the Yorkshire Post. "Yeah, great, cheapskate" I hear you say. Well, not so cheap. It's an original copy of the paper from 9th November 1972, the day I was inflicted on the planet. How these people manage to get hold of a 34 (now 36) year old newspaper, Lord knows. It's even in immaculate condition.

So, every now and again, it re-appears from it's gift-wrapped box. For myself, stuck in the past, it's compulsive reading. And, not for the stories. No no no, they're all the same as today - murder, rape, unions kicking off, businesses doing well/failing. Leeds United into the last 8 of the cup-winners-cup - well ok then, some things are very different. No, it's the more mundane stuff.

Take the TV page, for example. If I remember correctly, I entered the world in a maternity ward in North Ferriby at about 7am, just in time to watch.. well, actually, nothing. TV started at 9.30am, and on the 2 main channels it was schools programmes all morning. Picture Box. Stop, Look, Listen. How we used to live - ah, happy days.

By the way, BBC2 kicks of at 11.00 with Play School, and then shuts down again at 11.25 until 6.00. Don't bother looking for Channel 4. It's not there.Or Channel 5. In 1972, you are living in a world of only 3 channels, of which one is only working in the evening, and the others are serving up 'Boomph with Becker' (????!), Crown Court (legendary TV), General Hospital. Farmhouse Kitchen! Yorkshire TV for Yorkshire folk, before Michael Grade finished it off for good.

And, then there's the adverts. A gift-pack of wine for £5.00, including a bottle of 1966 vintage champagne. North Sea Ferries - only going to Rotterdam, the service to Zeebrugge hasn't started yet. Bill Cosby and Robert Culp star in 'Hickey & Boggs' (rated AA) at the Odeon in Leeds. Has anyone seen this film , or remember it? What is 'AA' rated?

There's almost 4 pages of jobs - all surprisingly familiar. Sales, retail, social worker (£1,530 to £2,232/year). And then, the classifieds. "Modern, well maintained Detached house with many extras including double glazing and central heating. Badger Hill, York. Offers around £12,500." Twelve and a half grand for a detached house! There's an 18th century house in Thorner near Leeds for £15,500.

Ansaphone to rent, £1.60/week. It's a world where you rent an answering machine! Fancy a car? F-reg Lotus Europa. £800. Nice. Vauxhall Viva. Datsun 240Z. Sunbeam Rapier. We had all those when I was a kid, or at least, a derivative of them.I miss the old days, I really do. Apart, obviously, from Leeds United winning things - that's for the better, I reckon.

By the way, the weather? Rain. Sums up my life in one word, that does.

MOT

2009-03-06T11:05:00.003Z

The car just passed it's MOT. Joy. And it passed it with flying colours. No more than a light bulb and headlight adjustment required.

This is something of a miracle. Our trusty 5 year old Yaris has done nearly 80,000 hard miles. It's got a scratch on the left caused by scraping a wall, a huge patch-up job on the right-side wing where I ran it over a cattle grid, and only 2 days ago I damaged the bumper by driving into the garage door frame. It's had to sit in traffic jams into Hull, it's done 600 miles a week on the A1, and nowadays it's little 1 litre engine has to cope with big hills and country lanes. It's had, and continues to have, a hard life.

Mrs. Beetwaste is also a happy bunny, mainly because my lack of finances means that the cost of this MOT was down to her, so it's only cost about 50 quid. Furthermore, had the car failed catastrophically,then we would have had quite a problem. Living in the back of beyond means we rely on the car more than most. There's no bus service here (except for the tourists on a Sunday). The train station shut in about 1930. The cost of a taxi would just about bankrupt everyone except Roman Abramovich. It would have meant the pair of us travelling to work and back on my moped, and as much as the hairdryer-powered scooter is a fabulous little thing, I'd rather use the car when it's -4 degrees outside.

So, if we've learnt anything then firstly, I need to look after the car better and secondly, I need to start saving up for next years MOT, now. Can anyone lend me a fiver? Anyone?

The First Post

2009-02-27T13:56:00.000Z

It's the first post. I've tried this sort of stuff before and failed miserably, so lets give it another go. When I think of something to write, then I'll go for it.

In the meantime, remember that cheese is rarely better than a life-preserver when you are drowning.